Tag Archives: girls

A RECIPE for a Happy Child must include some very special Ingredients

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You wouldn’t back a special wedding cake without a recipe.  So way think you can bring up a child and have her flourish without a good recipe that really works?  As a psychologist, I can say the surest RECIPE that I have found is passed on the Seven Gateways to Happiness.  Here are some of the special INGREDIENTS that you will need as you help you daughter walk through the Gateways of Happiness.

The first ingredient is:

1: Lots of reinforcement for the kid’s talents, interests and potential. Without reinforcement from you, probably the most important adult in her life, she cannot validate her talents, strengths, interests and potential just on her own.  Kids are developed enough emotionally or intellectually to sort through all of their feelings and reactions to their own experiences.  They need the parent, grandparent, and/or teacher to help them in this sorting.  The girl may enjoy a ten week course in playing the flute.  But recognizing whether she loves the flute enough to now take expensive lessons maybe be something you have to help her with.  Maybe she like variety and to try a lot of new things.  That is just as valid an interest as a willingness and need to focus on one thing and master it.

I’ll be back with the SECOND INGREDIENT in RAISING A HAPPY CHILD  soon.

The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) goes to Washington for Inauguration in Secret Diary Entry

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Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I am actually in Washington. When my dad told us that he had a friend who invited us to stay with them for the inauguration 36aand that it wouldn’t cost too much to go and that we could go I thought I was in a dream!  No one else in my class is going. We were all going to watch in on TV together in the auditorium. Now, I don’t have to be with everyone else.

I’m here in Washington. The drive was awful though. It took at least 10 hours and my brother was soooo bad. He was crying and fussing and hungry and had to go to the bathroom.

But I was so excited I could just not think about the racket he was making. I was busy imagining if I was one of the girls that was goint to move into the White House. I designed in my head a lot of my clothes that I would wear as we were driving to D.C. Most of my clothes would be pink or have some pink on them, ’cause that is my favorite color.  And my hair would be real long, much longer than it is now. Like half way down my back. And my room would be all pink with ballet dancers in a border on the walls. Oh, I loved imagining living in the White House.

I’ll be back, Diary. I have to stop now. We just pulled up to my father’s friend’s apartment building. I can see the Washington Monument from here, just a little bit.

We have to go to sleep now so we can get up really early. Daddy said like 4:00 AM. I would never do that for any other reason, unless I got sick and hand to throw up at 4:00 in the morning. But to see the Inauguration I’ll do it! I’m so excited. I’m really having my very first adventure in my whole life and that’s the truth.

The Truth is resiliency is important. Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury Discusses resiliency with Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, author of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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Dr. Sandra Prince Embury, nationally know expert on resiliency had this to say to Dr. Holstein:33a

The definition of resiliency is the qualities in the child, teenager or adult that allow them to face adversities and social pressures in a way that they can recover from, ride through, maintain functioning, and in some cases, grow, and function even better.  And what I consider the underpinnings of resiliency are basically core aspects of development. 

 The reason that I’m focusing on that right now, especially in children and adolescents, is that in society, we have had to face a lot of adversity, perhaps more adversity than in the past, and there is more of a focus on preparing our youth for adversity.  Of course, women are a special group in that there are special forces on girls and women that need to be dealt with.

 

But basically, it’s about surviving and dealing with adversity and maintaining your functioning and growing, even in the face of adversity.

One reason I wrote The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is to show girls how resilient they naturally are.  To learn to recognize their coping powers and their abilities to overcome obstacles and have fun in the process, by identifying with the girl in the book.  As she says on page 19: “I know a million ways to have fun.  I better know they because I feel so rotten when I’m picked last for kickball…”

 

What do you want in the next edition of The Truth(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)?

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19aThe book is selling so fast that I am already thinking about reprinting.   The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) was #6 in the top 100 on Amazon today in the category of BEING A TEEN.  Thanks to everyone who helped with that rank by buying the book!  And thanks for telling me that yes, there is a place for the world of positive psychology and fiction to merge!

So, I thought you might want to share some ideas with me.  In the next edition, would you like: 1. more secret diary entries that have never been public before?  2. Pages from the second book in the series where the girl is a year older?  and/or 3. More questions and activities you can do after you read the book?  Please let me know what you would prefer!

The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is #11 in top 100 on Amazon for BEING A TEEN

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I would think the girl in The Truth would enjoy knowing that she is captivating the hearts of girls and moms in lots of different places.  She loves to travel, but so far has only traveled to one place that wasn’t where she lived.  That was the time she got to take a ride in a small plane, sitting alone in the tiny cockpit, with the pilot directly in front of her.  What a ride that was.  Going up, up, up into the sky, seeing all the houses and then neighborhoods below her, and realzing that her very own parents had become tiny specks.  It was an amazing adventure for her, filled with a little fear, offset by holding the pilot’s hand.  Of course, he was handsome and dashing and that helped quiet her fears.  She came down all too soon, back to the somewhat dull reality of visiting her relatives.  That episode is on p.53 of the book.  (She tells it better than I can).

She would be amazed to hear that people are sitting at what looks something like a typewriter and ordering her book from a place called Amazon.  She does know about THE amazon from her geography class, but what is this?  Is her book being stored in the jungle somewhere? 

What I do know for certain is that she wants to hear from you.  So please write to her after you read The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  Tell her what your greatest adventure has been or have fun explaining what a computer is.  Be pen pals.

Seven Gateways to Happiness For Girls-How Do We Help Our Girls Walk Through the Gateways to Happiness?

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39aThere are Seven Gateways to Happiness that we all need to walk through, in fact, we must walk through them again and again to attain true happiness.  Why?  Because although each is different, they all hang together.  We can”t be complete without success in all seven.  I”ve talked at great length about how as women, we best walk through these Gateways.  In fact, you can download for free, off of the front page of www.enchantedself.com a paper that will take you through the Seven Gateways to Happiness.  But what if you are a girl?  Is it exactly the same?  No it is not.  Kids are different from grown-ups and so is the journey to happiness.  Are parents essential in helping their kids walk through the Seven Gateways to Happiness?  You bet!  You are critical.  So let”s take a look.

The first Gateway to Happiness is Recognizing the Best in Ourselves.  Having good self-esteem is another way to put it.  How can we help our kids recognize the best in themselves?  Certainly not by criticizing them, nor putting them down, nor by talking about embarrassing things in front of other people.  Certianly not by showing disappointment in their achievements, or evaluating them in comparison to other siblings or friends.  To help kids, and in particular, girls, get through the first Gateway to Happiness we need to encourage their talents, their strengths, their coping skills and their potential.  Sounds easy?  Sometimes it is.  But sometimes it is hard.  What I would like to see as a strength in my child, may be what she is weak at.

So we need to learn how to discuss and communicate effectively with our daughters.  For instance, I would like my daughther to be social and comfortable with people.  She may be instead somewhat of a loner, who”s strength is a feel for nature and all that is in it.  She collects rocks, she feeds birds, she studies spider”s webs.  Bottom line is she is different from my expectations.  Most kids are.  But the responsibility of a parent is to love and develop your child to the best of her abilities anyway.  So to the best of my abilities I need to let her know that I treasure and value her strengths and yes, that I am also very proud of her when she combines those strengths in ways that develop her weaker side-in this case, her social side.  I”m proud because I love her, I respect her differences and yet as a parent I know it will be better for her if she develops many facets of her personality.

When you read, The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) you may begin to recognize how I have woven the Seven Gateways to Happiness into the story.   Of course, as even the “girl” in the book needs to walk through all seven to achieve happiness.  Next time we will look at the Second Gateway to Happiness: Falling in Love With Ourselves.

First Positive Psychology Fiction Book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is a Hit!

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Tonight I was at a book signing in Howell, New Jersey at the Barnes & Noble there. As I was meeting and greeting some many different people, and busily signing books, I found myself explaining how The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is so different from other books for girls, tweens, teens and moms. For one thing, it is based on Positive Psychology principles that encourage living up to one’s potential, celebrating our strengths and holding on to our most authentic selves as we grow.

On the other hand, rather than being a typical self-help book, it is a true fictiional read. It is a girl’s diary and one quickly becomes involved with the girl and her life. There is a mystery to be solved and lots of action. It is a fun read.

Also the book can be used after one reads it for endless discussions as the topics brought up in the book are vital to growing up, and even to being a woman.

Soon on this blog, I’ll be taking you through pages and sharing ideas for discussion with you.

She Didn’t Have a Name!

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Today on the TODAY SHOW a young woman was interviewed in China. She works in finances and is doing very well, living in Beljing. However, her grandmother grew up in a farming area, was forced to have her feet bound at age 10 and was never given a name, except the name of her town. The differences in generations is amazing. The gal interviewed is a college graduate. Her grandmother never went to school.

In my new book, The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) the girl also does not have a name. Why? For very different reasons. She doesn”t so that every girl, tween, teen and woman who reads the book can identify with her. She is not nothing. She is everything. She is all of of us. She incorporates in her the universal dreams, energy and wisdom of us girls and women. So not having a name can mean very different things. The girl in the book would be horrified to hear that at her age of 10, this grandma had to have her feet bound. She would be furious.

Be thankful for freedom. It is a gift to be treasured!

The Enchanted Self, Wisdom Secrets and Nancy Drew.

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Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein discusses The Enchanted Self, more on Wisdom Secrets and Nancy Drew. Here guest is Martha Trowbridge, Inspirational Writer for Women.

This week I”m eager to share with you a radio show on Wisdom Secrets For Women and Girls that we know as adult women that we really learned originally in girlhood. Martha Trowbridge, inspirational writer for women, is my co-host. We discuss how to use our wisdom as women and how to reinforce that wisdom in our girls. We use Nancy Drew as a powerful wisdom role model. This is a great show that is sure light a fire in you and your daughters and remind all of us that WE HAVE THE POWER AND THE WISDOM

Right click here and choose “Save Target As..” to Download the Mp3

Author helps teens, moms connect

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BY LAURIE LAWLESS
Hour Staff Writer

As a young girl, does your life seem complicated? As a parent, does your daughter and her adolescent issues seem confusing and incomprehencible?

Well wonder no more, because Norwalk native, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein has written a new book to help struggling pre-teens and their non-understanding parents. “The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart, and I know everything),” is a fiction diary written by Holstein through the eyes of an 8- to 10-year-old girl.

“I became aware that children and moms need a way to build self esteem. I wanted something that could catch the heart and spirit of girls and maybe their moms too,” explained Holstein.

Holstein had done extensive research before writing this book, which was released in February, and believes people might actually be surprised by the amount of depth in the story. The book touches on self esteem, crushes, school bullies, inside struggles and the development and growth of young teens.

“We need to find ways that people are affected by what they read. A fictional diary can be very moving. In order to make change in our lives we have to be moved, not just convinced,” explained Holstein.

Holstein said she hopes that just as many parents read the book as do young girls. She said she believes it is important for parents to remember how crucial the pre-teen years can be. At the end of the book, a list of questions is given. Holstein hopes that parents and their children can tackle these questions together.

“I hope it will boost a girl or teen. For the mothers, I hope it will help her see how her daughter of child is feeling inside,” she said.

Holstein is a licensed positive phycologist in New Jersey and Massachusetts. She has held her private practices for more than 25 years. Holstein also worked as a school psychologist, a teacher and a case study researcher.

She has written five other books: “The Truth, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything,” “Delight!” “The Enchanted Self,” “Recipes For Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is You!,” and “Feel Good Stories.”

She is the daughter of Dr. Harry A. Becker, a past superintendent of the schools in Norwalk. While he was in office, Becker made various positive changes to the Norwalk School System. According to Holstein, he also founded Norwalk Community College.

Those who have read and enjoyed Holsteins book, may not have to wait long for the next one to appear. This book is just the first in a series.

“I’m almost done with the next book. Now she’ll be 10-12. The next will be 12-14,” she said.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein will have a book signing at 3 p.m. today at Borders in Stamford, at 3 p.m. today at Borders, 1041 High Ridge Road, Stamford. For more information, call 968-9700.