Tag Archives: girls

Sunny The Cat

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I thought it would be such fun to put my cat on my lap and talk to him about the truth. After all, cats, like most or all animals, have an uncanny sense of the truth. They know if you don’t like them. They also often sense what is about to happen before it does, like when a storm is coming. And they look past all the superficial stuff like our make-up and what we are wearing to the true essence of what is at hand. Feed me. Love me. Play. It is all simple and direct.

Of course children are more complicated, but in many ways children know the truth better than we do. They can pick up on our moods and intentions instantly. Kids know if we are placating or overdoing compliments.

Soooo, once Sunny was on my lap, and he of course, sat right in the sun, I just began to talk to him about the truth. The words fell out of my mouth, as he patiently let me pet him. However, when I tried to get him to look at my book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) he clearly turned away. He wasn’t going to let me trick him into reading a book for kids! After all, he’s a cat. He’s proud of it, and that’s The Truth.

I hope you enjoy our discussion.   —-  Sunny the Cat

HOLIDAY STRESS-Yes, Girls, Tweens and Teens Feel It Too!

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The Holiday Season is beautiful and we all hold on to some precious memories that go with the season.  But the Holiday Season is also stressful.  As adults, we often live an exhausted life of lists and obligations that go with the season.  For some women, particularly moms with children living at home, an exhausting month is finally finished off by little sleep and the patter of little feet very early on Christmas morning.  Even for those of us that celebrate simply or observe other traditions, such as Chanakah, the frenzy builds.  Nobody wants to forget someone they should have remembered with a card, a present or a phone call.  And most of us have certain favorite foods that go with the season.  That means extra calories, an outfit that suddenly doesn’t fit right, or the tug of war with the latest batch of Christmas cookies sitting in the kitchen.  And we know who usually wins!  (The Cookies)
 
What some of us forget is that the kids have stress also.  Particularly in harder times, like now, kids worry about how the season will go down for them and often for their families.  Kids hear, know and feel a lot more than we give them credit for.  If your family is having money problems, whether you tell them or not, they are most likely aware of the problems.  If you and your husband are in disagreement over how to do the holidays, even if you argue behind closed doors, your daughter will be aware of the tension.  Some here are a couple of suggestions to lower the stress for your kids:
 
1.  Have a honest, but not overly dramatic or discouraging talk about this year’s decisions around present giving. If everyone will be receiving, say half of what they got two years ago, be honest about it.  Discuss this openly and maybe agree on what gifts are the most important for an older child or a teen.  If say your daughter really wants an item that is twice what you can afford, see if there is a way to figure out the purchase.  Perhaps it can be for both Christmas and her birthday, plus she can take on a chore in the family for a few months that may help you out or even cut some expenses for you. 
 
2.  Also, have an honest chat about what you will do and not do for the Holidays.  If you are not buying a big tree this year, let them know early so they won’t be disappointed.  Perhaps it is the year for a family evening of making home made decorations and stringing popcorn trim?  That can be a lot of fun.  Also, kids are very creative and if they know that a food budget for a big Christmas gathering must be slimmed down, they will come up with ideas to help do that.  For example, they may be willing to bake or help you cook more from scratch, as that usually costs less than packaged foods. 
 
In summary, the important thing kids need is to feel in the loop of making decisions about the Holidays and presents and that they have something of value to offer the family either in terms of ideas or actions.
 
If you can help them feel valuable and in the loop and make clear that you want a great Holiday also, you will find yourself under less stress and for sure you daughter will feel even better about herself than she expected!
 
Happy Holidays!

CHINESE VERSION of THE TRUTH (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) HANDLES ANXIETY ISSUES THAT KIDS HAVE AS THEY TRANSITION

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I think it is interesting to share with you some of the girl’s entries into her diary that are not in the American version of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). Two of her entries are about an anxiety dream she has a several weeks before she starts the seventh grade in a new school, in a new town. Read on to find out what the dream was like, how her mother helped her handle the dream and what she learned about her parent.

Only three more weeks until we go back to school. I had a nightmare last night that I couldn’t find my new classrooms and I ended up back in the hallway that has the first, second and third grade classrooms. My heart was pounding in the dream and I was sweating. I kept running up and down the hallway but I couldn’t find any older kids, only babies, six, seven and eight. I knew I would be the last one to get to my new homeroom and I would look like a fool on the first day of school. No one comes in late on the first day!

Then I finally saw the hallway that goes to the seventh and eighth grade classrooms. But when I tried to reach it, it was like I could hardly move. I just couldn’t get there. I felt myself pulling on my body to move but nothing happened.

Then I woke up. I went in to my mother and father’s room and lay down on the floor with a blanket from my bed. They didn’t even know I was there. I just couldn’t be alone after that dream. I hate dreams like that and that’s the truth.

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My mother said I had an anxiety dream and a lot of people do before they have to do something new. I’m glad she told me that. I hope I don’t have anymore anxiety dreams.

She told me a lot of other stuff today. I guess cause I’m getting older. My mother really knows a lot. She should have been a doctor or a teacher. She never went to college but wants me to go.

She told me that she had a choice of being a secretary or working in my Uncle Dan’s clothing store when she finished high school. She chose to become a secretary because my Grandfather said he would pay for her to go to secretarial school.

I asked her if she wanted to go to college. She said that she never thought about it because none of the girls in her family had ever gone to college.

She told me that once her brother said to her, “Edith, you are dumb but beautiful. Don’t worry. That’s ok. It is better than being dumb and not pretty.”

My mother promised herself when I was born that I would get more education than she had. She told me that she has been putting ten dollars a week away since I was born for my college education.

I hope I can really make her proud of me. I know that I’m smart. I hope that I’m pretty. I’m still scared and that really is the truth.

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“Your new book (SECRETS) sounds lovely! I’m so glad that you’re continuing the (Truth) series; your books are so important for teenagers that feel out of place in the world. In a way, you are giving them someone to turn to and something to hope for, a miracle in itself. :)”Jamieson Wolf, Author.

Even the smallest positive act can create such delight for a child and remain a wonderful memory for years later.

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Exercise: Play Date with a Child in Your Life

Can you think of something special that you could offer a child in your life? You don’t have to be a parent or grandparent. You may know a child down the street, or a cousin or even a friend’s child. A special outing or treat can go a long way to bringing delight to a child.

I remember when my aunt Rose arrived at my cousin’s home with a surprise for me! It was a box in the shape of a treasure chest and it contained some perfume and soaps all designed for a little girl. I was thrilled and felt very special. I can still remember lovingly keeping my treasure chest and eventually filling it with other treasures after I had used all the soaps, lotions and bubble bath. Yes, this treasure chest did make me feel special, very feminine and created a great memory trace.

I know you will have fun with a play date. Keep us posted on what you do.

Why I wrote The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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Often, when I speak to groups or on talk on the radio, people want to know why I wrote a certain book. I believe that my introduction to The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything), designed to be read by the girl, her mom or grandma, or teacher, or guidance counselor, explains best why I wrote the book. Here is what I say:

“When I was ten, and eleven, I knew so many things. I knew a lot of important stuff that my parents and other grown-ups had forgotten. I promised myself that I would find a way to hold on to my knowledge.

Then I grew up and became a teacher and a psychologist. I got married and had children. At work, as a psychologist, I listen to a lot of people’s problems, children and grown-ups. I always try to help them. One of the things I do is to point out to them what is right with them, rather than what is wrong. Another thing I do is to teach them how to have more fun. I also help them to remember their own wisdom and the truths that they already know in their hearts.

One day I decided to find a way to combine what I already knew as a girl with the knowledge I have as a psychologist. I had to find a fun way to do this that would really help girls and mothers recognize that what we know growing up is just as important as what we learn later.

One day, the ‘girl’ just appeared. She knew what to say and how to say it. She did a much better job of sharing THE TRUTH than I ever could have imagined. So I just let her go for it.

Here is her account of THE TRUTH. I hope you enjoy it. Remember your promises to yourself when you grow up and don’t forget to listen to your kids someday.

I better get out of the way and let the girl begin……”

I would just add, that since the book has been published, most girls relate to THE TRUTH at a deep level of connection. Most have had a crush, or a problem in school, or been afraid of moving to a new town, or upset if parents did not get along. However, some kids have a whole other ‘TRUTH’ that is uniquely theirs. And that is great. Even those few kids that don’t relate to the girl at all, if they take from the book to be true to themselves, and have the courage to grow up strong and resourceful, then my mission as a women, who was a girl,and a psychologist has been successful!

The ‘Girl’ goes to CHINA!

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Most of you know by this time that The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is about to be released in China in an expanded version. It will include both English and Chinese and over 35 Diary entries that have never been seen in this country! The title there will be: How an American Girl Grows Up. Having my book appear in a major country, such as China, for kids and adults to read is a true blessing.

Over the past year so many moms, kids, teachers, grandmas and others have given the book great endorsements and also wonderful feedback, support and wisdom. I have listened carefully to all of you. In fact, already in the Chinese version I have incorporated aspects of what you have been saying. And there will be more changes when The Truth is reprinted and of course your feedback has influenced the second book which I have just finished! Look for it within six months. In the second book, Secrets, the girl is a year older. Lots of adventures and challenges happen. So stay tuned.

Meanwhile, I thought you would enjoy reading one of the excerpts from the Chinese version of The Truth, NEVER seen before in this country.

“My mother took me over to my new school. It is gigantic. I never saw such a big building except the hospital.
The principal was very nice to me. His name is Mr. Palmquist. He is old. I think about 55. I can’t imagine him being mean to the kids. He showed me the classrooms and the lockers in the hallways. Then we went to see the cafeteria that had beautiful paintings on the walls. He said that long ago when artists didn’t have any work, President Roosevelt had a plan. Let them all paint beautiful paintings on public buildings and the government would pay them.
So a bunch of them came to this school and decorated the cafeteria and some of the hallways.
I can’t wait to eat in the cafeteria.
Mr. Palmquist said that he had picked a very nice homeroom teacher for me and I should be very happy there.
I hope I will be happy. Right now I’m just scared and I miss everyone and I wish we had never moved. And that’s the truth.”

As you can see, this excerpt deals with the girl starting school in a new town. She is scared, as most of us are, when new things are happening. As you can see, there are many issues in the above short episode for mom and daughter to talk about. Adjusting to new circumstances is an universal situation we all face. From my point of view, as a positive psychologist, the ‘girl’ is a fictional character in and of herself, but she is also a jumping off point for really important topics, that have lots of feelings and issues surrounding them, that we all need to process at one time or another.

Keep sharing your feelings and ideas! After all, the third book is already on the horizon.

Reflection

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Barbara and book club

Summer is here, but I am still basking in the memories of the fun time I had at the Brielle School Girls Night Out.  Here is a picture of me with a bunch of the girls who had read The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  And here is part of the note I received from The G.I.R.L. Club: “We loved when you talked about your book with the club!  We also enjoyed when you talked about your inspiration and it gave us an eye opening experience to get us to do whatever we want to do in life…”

HOW DID THE TRUTH (I'M A GIRL, I'M SMART AND I KNOW EVERYTHING) COME TO BE?

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As a positive psychologist, a school psychologist and a former teacher, I began to think, how could I write a book that will spark just everyone? If you are a kid, a tween or a teen, you will feel understood and connected to this fictional girl.  After all, she is like you.  She thinks about many of the things you think about and she makes promises about what she will be like when she grows up, just like you do. 

If you are a woman, it will make you want to dance with yourself and with your inner 10 year old and make her energies a part of yourself again. 

 

If you are a mom, you will see your child in a much more profound light.  You will want to help her hold on to her wisdom, wit, sense of competency and self-esteem 

 

If you are a grandparent you will want your child and her child to read the book so that they will both have a chance to develop to their fullest and to stay communicating through all the tough years ahead. 

 

If you are a teacher you will want girls to read the book so they will feel strong and resilient and see that they can hold on to the best of themselves! 

 

So the character came alive.  I felt a fictional diary was the way to go.  The girl, as many fictional characters do, helped me write the book.  She shared her frustrations and her competencies, and she even managed to solve a little around how she could hold on to the best of herself as she grew up.  How she solved the mystery is so endearing, but I can’t give it away because I want you to read the book.