Children’s Books That Build Self Esteem – Positive Psychologist Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Announces No-Charge Download Of Two Ebook Samplers – http://ow.ly/NOAFN
Category Archives: I’m a girl
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Gives 5 Tips On How Not To Crush Your Daughter When She Has Her First Crush
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein Gives 5 Tips On How Not To Crush Your Daughter When She Has Her First Crush – http://ow.ly/IcZVq
Selfies Can Be Dangerous: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Author Of ‘The Truth’, Offers Guidelines
Selfies Can Be Dangerous: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Author Of ‘The Truth’, Offers Guidelines – http://ow.ly/AetV5
Release of ‘The Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween’, by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Scheduled For July 1, 2014
Release of ‘The Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween’, by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Scheduled For July 1, 2014 – http://ow.ly/yycxc
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein To Release “The Truth, Diary Of A Gutsy Tween”
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein To Release “The Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween” – http://ow.ly/xSiwz
Don’t Fool Yourself! Kid’s Have Elephant Ears and Hear Through Walls!
The girl in my book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) could teach her parents so much, if only they would listen! She is not alone. Most, if not all children, are acutely aware of what is wrong in a family, regardless of parent’s efforts to hide their problems. Even if the parents are not overheard through the walls, kids figure out that their is a problem going on. How? Many ways. Just like us, they sense when something is not right. They see facial expressions; they hear tones of voices; they recognize silence as a weapon or possibly a hurt reaction; they hear a door slam; a plate put down too harshly at the dinner table; a parent coming home too late without a good reason. Our behaviors are usually pretty easy to read. Even if a child can’t put into words what or why something is wrong at home, she will still feel that there is something wrong. And the pain for a child can be immense. For example, read what the girl has to say in her diary:
“Last night my parents had a big fight. I could sort of hear them through the walls of my room. My eyes were shut tight but my ears were wide open, like elephant ears, trying to hear every word. I couldn’t, but they made me nervous and I couldn’t sleep. Today in school I was tired. They are the grownups; they shouldn’t have stupid fights that keep me awake. And anyway, nothing gets solved. No one feels better after being yelled at or put down. No one is going to co-operate any better just because you yell at them and tell them all the things they do wrong. Even I know that! I should’ve been able to fall asleep and have sweet dreams! I could teach my mom and dad so much, if only they would listen. Why would a grown-up put down someone he’s supposed to love? I don’t get it. They waste so much time fighting, and before you know it, everyone’s mood is sad or angry and the day is ruined. This is one thing I’m really promising myself to never do! My dad says, “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.” Well, even though he forgets his own words, I’m going to remember them.”
We need to understand that children want happy endings and everything to be alright. These are normal psychological expectations growing up. They depend on us to create the good times and to keep the household peaceful and a safe place to be. It is a big task when a couple is getting along. It is even a bigger task when there is friction between the parents.
Here are a three suggestions for you, if you and your spouse are struggling as a couple and perhaps it is your child that has elephant ears!
1. Seek professional help. Couple counseling can not only bring happiness back into your lives, but the counselor can help guide you on what to tell your child about your difficulties, how to soothe her, etc.
2. Make an effort to not go down the emotional developmental ladder, when the two of you are upset with each other. That means that your efforts to talk out problems, even if the kids overhear, rather than shouting, going silent, storming out, is the more grown-up decision. It will help show them that you are trying and also give them examples of tools of communication that they will need as grown-ups.
3. Above all try to maintain time with your child that is pleasant and loving. That goes for each parent. If you can not navigate good times together, then at least separately have fun, loving times with your child. She deserves the good times and so do you!
*Watch Julia reading for the girl in the play version of The Truth, The Locket
How My Family and I Experienced Tet, Our Most Important Holiday, by Tieu, Linh, our Teen Journalist from Hai Phong, Vietnam
“Wake up, Mi * !! It’s high time you got up and enjoyed Tết !”
(Tet is the most important national celebration in Vietnam. The full name is Tet Nguyen Dan, which means “Feast of the First Morning of the First Day’. Our Tet has the same objective as the Western World’s New Year. It is a chance to welcome and celebrate the new year and hope for health, luck, happiness and achievements.) And now on to more of my story:
Hearing my dad’s voice, I opened my lazy eyes and tried to drag my body out of the bed. The day was so special. Instead of seeing clunky clouds in the sky and thinking about how to confront another ordinary day, I could feel the sunshine already and see the bright blue sky.
“Well, Tết is here. Light the flame inside you, Linh !”, I whispered to myself.
After having got through all the household chores and getting ready, we left home and got into the green taxi, which had been waiting for a few minutes. At first, we visited pagodas that we knew were where our ancestors are worshipped. Then, we were in the intimidating crowd at Nghe Temple, trying, along with everyone else, to express our respect for General Le Chan, who had founded Haiphong City with the original name “An Bien”.
I gazed at the map of Nghe Temple and made efforts to find out something interesting to meditate upon, although that was not the first time I visited this remarkable temple. Leaving there I was still excited as the day was just beginning to unfold. A wonderful journey was still waiting for us. “Heading your way !!”, I playfully thought.
It took us about one hour to reach Hai Duong Province. My mother had suggested that we should visit An Phu Temple, or Cao Temple, where Prince Yên Sinh – the first emperor of Trần Dynasty’s elder brother – is worshipped. It was quite hot, different from the usual rainy and wet weather of Tet in Vietnam. Hot, and tiring. The temple is located right on top of the mountain, so we had to climb – to be more exact, walk many steps – to eyewitness the ancient beauty of An Phu Temple.
We took numerous photos, and I followed my parents to explore the structure of Cao Temple. I smelled the ancient, orthodox scent of incense sticks visitors had burnt. Not very sweet- smelling, but it reminded me of the solemn atmosphere at a sacred place.
I memorized some historical events that had happened to Prince Yên Sinh, shaking my head as I realized the irony of what he had been compelled to suffer.
Saying goodbye to An Phu Temple, we left Hai Duong Province for Haiphong City again. But, we stopped at Do Son District to visit Ba De Temple, which is situated near the sea. “Up to the forest, down to the sea”, this is the saying that most depicted our travels. Ba De Temple is associated with a love story between a powerful king and a beautiful and glamorous commoner, who ended up suffering.
After finishing all the holy procedures, we went down to the sea and felt extremely refreshed to take photos, draw on the sand and join in some activities which were kinds of horseplay. I constantly had a bee in my bonnet about the unlucky fate of the beautiful commoner and I could understand how painful women’s lives were and are when they had and have to live amongst male chauvinists.
I’m still lucky, and I think I ought to look up to my life better. And that’s the truth.
PS *: () Mi is the name that my intimates call me at home.
What is a special trip you have taken with friends or family? Share with us. We want to share meaningful experiences that girls have from around the world. Send your e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
Linh is The Truth for Girls first international young journalist. From Vietnam, she was given a copy of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) by her mom, translated into Vietnamese. She loved the story and found my e-mail address at the back of the book. She wrote to me and I answered. That was the beginning of a three year correspondence. As I realized how perceptive Linh is and how versatile her Englih is, I invited her to write articles for other girls around the globe who follow The Truth! We hope you enjoy her article about New Year’s in Vietnam that follows. And remember The Truth is always ready for more young girls from around the world to be journalists. If you are interested write to me, Dr. Barbara at email@example.com .
Growing Up Isn’t Easy!
In The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl talks, at times, about not wanting to grow up.
Feelings about not wanting to grow up are common and often not discussed, as kids realize that most of the time parents expect them to want to grow up.
We as adults have often forgotten about how hard it is to move into adolescence. The bodily changes alone, are overwhelming. How many of us suffered with pimples, anxieties about getting our period, and all sorts of other issues? Just about all of us, although these issues may seem very far away now. I remember some mood swings that seemed to come out of the blue when I was 11. Hormones raging through my body, I’m sure didn’t help.
We have to be compassionate and helpful to those young ladies in our lives who are transitioning. Giving advise, and sharing about our own ups and downs as we moved through those years can take the pressure off a lot of what is happening.
The girl in The Truth realizes there are some great things about not being a grown-up yet. For example, she doesn’t have to earn a living. She can focus most of her attention on herself, her school work and other interests. Later in life it is harder to focus on ourselves. Multi-tasking takes over and there is little time for self-development.
At the same time, it is for most of us, a blessing to be part of a family of some sort, and to have a chance to participate in raising children. It is often exciting to work at a job and to have the power to make decisions about the course of our lives.
So really, all stages of life have their benefits and their losses. If we can stay light hearted as we see some of the pluses and minuses and keep a sense of humor, we can have such fun talking to kids about our stage of life as well as listening to the successes and frustrations that our kids feel about their lives.
The simple message is: Keep sharing. Your daughter will grow up even if she doesn’t want to for the moment. Don’t panic. Keep talking and sharing. Laugh and cuddle. Spend time together and give her your wisdom. But…make sure your don’t block out hers! She has wisdom also! Enjoy listening to it.
Helping Your Daughter To Be Less Nervous About Starting a New School Year
Starting a new school year, whether your daughter is returning to a school building she has gone to before, or you have moved and all is new for her, can be very upsetting. You may find your daughter nervous, perhaps tearful, not sleeping well or wishing she could go to a different school or even not go to school. Here are some ideas to help your daughter adjust:
Reassure her that it is normal to be nervous before we start anything new, even if we have done the same routines in the past. Tell her that you realize that sixth grade is not fifth grade, etc. and that you are on her side.
If you have moved or she will be changing schools, she may also be upset that she is leaving behind a best friend, or several good friends. See what you can do to make this transition less painful.
Maybe you can invite over some of her old friends for a pizza supper, or transport her back to where you did live so she can visit these friends.
At the very least, encourage her to stay in touch with them.
Also let her know that she will make new friends. It just takes time.
If you had something similar happen to you when you were growing up, take the time to share your story with her.
Try to get in touch with the feelings she may have. She probably feels lonely and/or jealous that her old friends may have new friends already to share with. These are very human feelings and you can do her a great service by sharing feelings you have had at times growing up and how they were resolved.
You daughter may also be scared that the work this year will be too hard for her. If she has already started school and complains it is too hard sit down with her and see what she is referring to.
Sometimes a child is correct and may need your help to go into school with her and sit down with her teacher or guidance counselor to see if the work is on the right level for her. Take her seriously. Even if she is exaggerating, remember it feels real to her for now.
Being your daughter’s ally can really help her. She doesn’t have the perspective we have as grown-ups to know that things feel strange when they are new. Help her understand that we are resilient to most situations and after awhile she will feel herself again and also feel relaxed and at ease in her new environment.
And best of all, with all of the above, by being your daughter’s ally, the two of you will grow even closer as you show you really care and you take the time to talk to her.
Boredom – the best thing since sliced bread
Can you believe that Summer vacation is almost over? As the month of August rolls in there are kids who are saying things like, “I’m bored. I have nothing to play with or no one to do stuff with.” It’s common. No matter matter how many games or items someone has. No matter how social someone is. No matter even how busy a person is, people of all ages can still get bored for lots of reasons.
Regardless of your age, the first thing to remember is that you don’t have to be doing something all the time. It’s perfectly fine to have days or just hours when you do absolutely nothing. For most people though, doing nothing equates to being bored. Whatever you call it, having down time where your mind can just wander or not think about anything is very healthy!
Instead of replacing the boredom with the latest and greatest item, try some of these suggestions next time you or someone in your family says, “I’m bored.”
Allow yourself to simply rest without any interruptions.
Give your brain the opportunity to be creative. Sometimes the best ideas happen when you daydream.
If you normally don’t read for pleasure, pick up a book again. And I mean a real, printed book because there is something unique about actually turning paper pages versus touching a button to turn an electronic page.
Call (not text) an old friend you haven’t spoken with in a long time. It’s amazing how connecting with people can give you a positive boost. Too many people today get wrapped up in their virtual world and forget the importance and benefits of actually talking with another human being.
Look through photo albums. Most people still have those even if they are from years ago. Reminiscing is good for the mind, body, and soul.
Make a list of everything you appreciate. If your boredom is from being tired of what you have or what you are doing, taking a look at the good things in your life can help.
Volunteer. Doing something for others without expecting anything in return is very humbling and rewarding. After doing that, you may look at boredom very differently.
Make a bucket list. Many people rush through life so busy that they never take time to enjoy it.
Use your imagination. For kids, this could be pulling out toys from when they were little. A teenager would build something quite different with Tinker Toys or Lincoln Logs than they did when they were four or five. Have family activity night if you don’t already. This doesn’t mean watching TV or everyone playing on their own electronic sitting in the same room. It means doing an activity together.
Enjoy and explore nature. Remember the joke, “He has nothing to do so he’s watching the grass grow?” It’s not as silly as it sounds. If you’ve ever watched a spider spin a web or any other insect do what they naturally do, observing nature can do wonders for boredom. Basically, it’s the same idea as “Stop and smell the roses.”
It seems like the more we have, the easier it is for people get bored and the more likely people are to want more and more.
So try something different and appreciate the boredom occasionally.
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