Reflection
Barbara and book club
Summer is here, but I am still basking in the memories of the fun time I had at the Brielle School Girls Night Out. Here is a picture of me with a bunch of the girls who had read The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). And here is part of the note I received from The G.I.R.L. Club: “We loved when you talked about your book with the club! We also enjoyed when you talked about your inspiration and it gave us an eye opening experience to get us to do whatever we want to do in life…”
THE ENCHANTED SELF, MYSELF AND THE GIRL IN The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) are all going to China!
My book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is about to be published in a Chinese version in China. For me, as a woman, and a psychologist, this is my contribution to making the world a better place, particularly for women and girls. Everywhere in the world girls need to feel good about themselves and figure out ways to hold on to their talents, passions and potential as they grow up. Here, in China and everywhere. My book helps them do that. The book is in both Chinese and English. And is in an expanded version with more diary pages that cover other subjects. For example there are more pages about school work and school activities in the Chinese version. That decision was made in part to give people in China a fuller sense of what it is like to grow up in the United States.
Still the book has within all the text that make it a charming, fun diary full of wisdom written by a kid. However, many of you may not realize that within the book, both the American version and the Chinese version are many of the core Enchanted Self concepts developed carefully by me, as a positive psychologist, over the last 20 years. These concepts are designed to help women of all ages, whether she is 11 or 75. We all need a positive sense of ourselves that is reinforced from within and from without. As we identify with the girl and her fictional diary, we are give a large dose of encouragement to be true to ourselves, no matter at what stage of life we are.
For me, the book being published in China is a dream coming true. I had always wanted penpals in other parts of the world. Now, I will be sure to have lots from China. I guess I had better start learning some Chinese and planing a trip to China. The girl inside of me is happy. I didn’t let her down. It took many years to connect some of my girlhood dreams into a life event that I helped to create as an adult. I didn’t give up. I hope you will also stay true to as many of your dreams as you can also.
For more on the core concepts of THE ENCHANTED SELF go to my other two websites:
HOW DID THE TRUTH (I'M A GIRL, I'M SMART AND I KNOW EVERYTHING) COME TO BE?
As a positive psychologist, a school psychologist and a former teacher, I began to think, how could I write a book that will spark just everyone? If you are a kid, a tween or a teen, you will feel understood and connected to this fictional girl. After all, she is like you. She thinks about many of the things you think about and she makes promises about what she will be like when she grows up, just like you do.
If you are a woman, it will make you want to dance with yourself and with your inner 10 year old and make her energies a part of yourself again.
If you are a mom, you will see your child in a much more profound light. You will want to help her hold on to her wisdom, wit, sense of competency and self-esteem
If you are a grandparent you will want your child and her child to read the book so that they will both have a chance to develop to their fullest and to stay communicating through all the tough years ahead.
If you are a teacher you will want girls to read the book so they will feel strong and resilient and see that they can hold on to the best of themselves!
So the character came alive. I felt a fictional diary was the way to go. The girl, as many fictional characters do, helped me write the book. She shared her frustrations and her competencies, and she even managed to solve a little around how she could hold on to the best of herself as she grew up. How she solved the mystery is so endearing, but I can’t give it away because I want you to read the book.
Fun at Girl’s Night Out at Brielle School and the Girls Club in Manasquan School.
The picture is of me, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein at the Girl’s Club that meets in the Manasquan School. Soon I’ll have a picture of me at the Girl’s Club Girl’s Night Out at the Brielle School, which is located just a few miles away. Both visits were such a treat for me. In Manasquan I got to chat with the girls at the fifth grade level and again another day at the sixth grade level. All were reading The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). At the Brielle School, the kids were sixth graders and they had finished reading the book. I learned so much from the girls. I’m very happy to report that the diary format appealed to all the girls and that they felt that the girl in the book really thinks in her head like a fifth or sixth grader. All were interested in a second book in the series. So many of the girls wanted to know how I started to write and was the girl from real life. I explained that I myself started keeping a diary in the fourth grade and that certainly helped me practice writing. (Even if the spelling was awful). I also shared that some of the events that happened to the girl happened to me or clients of mine, or friends. She was really a merger of all of us. As she should be to share universal truths. One compliment I received was that the book stayed true to the very end in tone and quality, rather than rushing to a conclusion that felt artificial or lacking.
SUCCESS is Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration! Dr. Harry A. Becker, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s Dad taught her that!
Sometimes kids and adults forget how much resiliency and persistence we can really muster. Life is not always easy, but we can grow as we never give up. I was so lucky. I had a great mentor in my father. It is ten years since he died, actually on May 16th. So in memory of my dad and in the hopes of further inspiring all of you, here is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he was gravely ill and in the hospital.
When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ·The laziest ·The least deserving. ·The least likely to succeed.
Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving father, and certainly
a loving son. Beyond these roles and all of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped potential in everyone who crossed his path–even me!
I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most accomplishments are “Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.” For example, when I was a teenager he would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish. “Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to task.” He was always there to ease my burden but not take it away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How could he be helpful but not do my job–Proofreading? Driving me to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did work for me–it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could live with the pain and get beyond it.
He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination. Never give up. You can do it!
Help Find Sunny the Cat a Home
Please Help “Sunny” with information, prayers and maybe a small miracle that it turns out you should be Sunny”s owner. A stray somewhat feral cat came to our back porch in the early autumn. His body was practically a skeleton. I started to feed him. He blossomed. He gave up growling as he ate. He let me pick him up. He wanted to sleep on the bed!
Long story short, I got him neutered and all his shots. But he is not a good match for us. He seems to need to be an only cat, at least until some of the left over wild is out of him. He doesn”t like my 16 year old female and makes that very clear by attempting to attack her. This is very hard on her as she has a heart condition. He is more comfortable with our 16 year old male-they ignore each other. However, I think he would do best as the only cat in a household. He is now very loving and wants to sit on laps and be petted.
He recently bit my leg as I was getting ready to feed him. This must have been because I put him last while I fed and gave medicine to the two older cats. He needs to be first and I think only.
He is a beautiful short haired gray-taupe striped Tabby. He has incredible love to give but in the right setting. I should add my mom is very ill and I have to go back to Massachusetts all the time. So I am under a lot of strain and time restraints. Can you please help in any way? I live in OceanTownship in MonmouthCounty, New Jersey.
I would be happy to provide a good donation in money or in supplying cat food for a number of months to the right real “parent” for Sunny.
In my next newsletter I”ll send a picture. Feel free to write to me at one of the following e mail accounts:
barbara.holstein@gmail.com or call 732-571-1200 anytime.
Why as a positive psychologist I chose to write fiction: The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Lots of time people ask me why I started to write fiction as a positive psychologist. It is a good question. I started writing fiction because I wish to communicate information about how to grow up safe and strong to kids and their parents in a way that they can HEAR me. Lots of time we have great information to share, but nobody takes it in. Why? Sometimes it is too dry, sometimes the timing is off, sometimes it is the speaker”s manner. So to avoid all of those potential set-backs I have chosen fiction. The information is not dry! It is exciting and yet familiar to all of us. All of us were 10, 11 and 12 once. I don”t use my voice, but the voice of a girl who we fall in love with from the first page when she talks about her crush. And I know the timing is right, as every year their are millions of kids getting a year older who have universal concerns about their feelings, their friendships, crushes, bullying, home life, etc.
Let”s take a look at The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything):
Feeling safe to communicate feelings and thoughts, no matter how personal and/or negative, rather than acting them out, is very important in child and adolescent development.
vThe Truth helps move girls, tweens, teens and their families closer to honest communicating. Every page brings to light feelings and thoughts so universal in nature that almost any page can be used to stimulate family members moving toward a more honest and open place with each other.
v The Truth gives a platform for kids to work through negative feelings about conflict and gives parents a new way of seeing conflict from the vantage point of how it affects their kids.
vThe Truth helps to prevent “mean girls” from developing by showing tweens how to express feelings using words, rather than anger or violence.
v The Truth helps girls see that they are not alone, by being able to so easily identify with the “girl” who is sharing her most personal feelings and thoughts with them directly, via diary form. If Mom also reads The Truth and shares more of her thoughts and feelings while also listening to her daughter”s “real” voice, than a family correction will be made and indeed, the girl will be less alone
vThe Truth also helps kids come to terms with growing up in a less than perfect world. The “girl” is able to do this using many skills that the reader can emulate, such as finding ways to hold on to the best of herself, even as she comes to terms with a world and a set of parents that are less than perfect.
Listening to Our Daughters
Listen to Dr. Barbara speak on Really Listening to Our Daughters Manasquan_Public_Library_Workshop_33009.wav