Author Archives: Barbara Holstein

Wow! So many of us went on Mystery Rides as Kids!

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On July 5th, 2008 I’m the guest on The Puddle People Hour on BlogTalkRadio.  The two hosts are Beth Marino and Pam Sargant.  That show will be archived and available 24/7.  We pre-recorded the show tonight and of course talked quite a bit about my first book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy and my newest book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). 23aIt was fascinating for me to go between the two books-THE ENCHANTED SELF being a rather dense book, full of case studies, positive psychology techniques, historical perspectives on women, my own journey as a woman in our society, etc.  and The Truth which is a girl’s diary written in a simple, easy manner.   However, what struck me as the most fun as we chatted was our discussion about “Mystery Rides”.  The girl in The Truth goes on mystery rides with her family on Sunday afternoons and loves them.  I was sharing her adventures when both Mary and Pam joined in saying that they also, had gone on mystery rides as children.

One family had eight kids and they would all pile into the station wagon and drive out into the countryside.  So would the other, slightly smaller family.  And Dad was the driver in both cases and he didn’t know where he was going.  But it was so much fun, discovering small towns and local fairs and at the end stopping for icecream.  The girl in The Truth also stopped for icecream at the end of the family’s mystery rides.

Now I’m wondering.  Are mystery rides universal if you are over 45?  Let me know.  I went on them also, but sometimes I think they weren’t supposed to be a mystery.  I think sometimes my father might have gotten lost!  I don’t remember icecream at the end but I do remember often ending up at Savin Rock in New Haven, late in the afternoon on Sunday after riding around.  What a treat!  That was an amusement park along the beach.   Usually I got to ride the ‘flying horses’ as we called them, my mom and Aunt Lil caught to sit on a bench and people watch and we all got to eat in the car at Jimmy’s hot dog stand, where we bought delicious grilled hotdogs (not boiled, like at home) and wonderful fenchfries that were crinkled and served in paper cones.  Ah, such sweet memories of the old days!

Mother and Daughter talk on “Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist looks at all three” about The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything

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Robin and Rachel made my day on Monday.  They were my guests on my radio show, Kids Tweens and Teens on www.internetvoicesradio.com  We pre-recorded the show that will will air next Monday, June 9th at 4:30 PM EDT and then be 12aarchived 24/7.  What made the discussion so special was getting a chance to talk to both a mother and a daughter who had read The Truth, I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything.  Their reactions were such fun.  You will hear Robin discuss how the book made her remember her first crush which she hadn”t thought of in years, and then you will her Rachel chat about how she identified with the girl, even in secret things she does that nobody knows about. Rachel also will share her promises that she has made to herself for her future.  Both talk about how to utilize the book as a discussion tool for moms and kids.

As an author it isn”t always so easy.  You write the book at some deep level of concentration and meaning.  You agonize in ways that the public never knows-what word here?  What should stay in the final draft?  What needs to go?  Who will read it?  Will anyone read it?  And then finally it is out and still there is agony.  Who likes it?  Do kids like the book?  Do moms?  Does it have the punch that a great book does?

And then the universe sends a present by special delivery.  In this case the present was Robin and Rachel.   Their reactions confirmed what every author needs and hopes to hear.  The book works!  And best of all, it works for both kids and adults.  And that is unique.  I”m blessed.

“You just get to be a girl”

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On TV this am ‘Samantha’, one of th stars in Sex and the City, was being interviewed.  She commented that the movie and the show was so wonderful because “You just get to be a girl!”  She then went on to say that we all 1awant that.  All women want the fun of beautiful clothes and best friends and everything turning out just right.

As a positive psychologist and author of The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything, I agree with her.  This is a tremendous yearning in women to belong, to have dear friends, to let the playful, girly side of themselves stay alive, even when we grow up.  In fact when a women stops caring for herself in terms of making a nice appearance, often it is a signal that the woman is depressed.  Women are able to laugh, cry and share intensely all sorts of feelings and of course even though we grow up we yearn for happy endings and beginnings in our lives.  And where does all of this begin?

In girlhood of course.  And that where my book dovetails Sex and the City.  The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything is a book where you see a girl putting down in writing her understanding of all the wonderful parts of herself so she can hold on to them.  She knows she is smart, can have fun, can solve problems, can fall in love, can have adventures, can be pretty, can star, can have best friends.  She knows all of this in her gut and she is aware that sometimes these capacities get lost as we grow up.

Samantha and her friends document that we can hold on to the best of ourselves.  And at worst if we loss some of our precious selves we can at least come and borrow the energy they exude and get recharged.  And if we can’t look as beautiful as they do, at least we can enjoy looking at them.

Stay posted for more of the Positive Psychologist’s insights on us ‘girls’.

Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury, Resili ency Expert, Guest on Dr. Holstein’s radio show, Kids Tweens and Tenns, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three, on www.internetvoicesradio.com

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Today, May 12, 2008 Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury was Dr. Holstein’s guest on her radio show, Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at all Three on www.internetvoicesradio.com.  This show is recorded and archived and available 24/7 for downloading and as a podcast.  Dr. Prince Embury discussed Dr. Holstein’s new book, The Truth,(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  She mentioned how important the book is for tweens and teens, giving them a model for the skills of self awareness and expression which are so critical for tweens and teens.  The girl is able to verbalize her feelings in her own words and actually speaks so naturally, that the reader feels she is really talking to her.   Her honesty and her capacity to adjust to disappointments, even around the failings of her parents are also important issues for youngsters developmentally. 

Dr. Sandra Prince Embury is a nationally known expert in the field of Resiliency, having developed The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents.  Come and listen to the show!  If you have kids-it is a must!

Review of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) by Dr. Sandra Prince Embury

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Telling the Truth

A Review of The Truth (I’m a girl I’m smart and I know everything)

Review by:  Sandra Prince-Embury, Ph.D.
Author:  The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents
Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist

      The Truth by Barbara Becker Holstein, Ed.D., positive psychologist, is the secret diary of a ten year old girl.  Although exquisitely simple in form and expression the words of this unnamed girl suggest insights that are clinically and developmentally significant.  Embedded in the journal are messages about childhood that are important for adults to hear, presented in the words of a child.  One such message is the importance of communication for children.   

     The girl telling the Truth identifies and verbalizes her feelings in her own words.  In this way she models skills of self awareness and expression. Children and teens often have difficulty putting feelings into words. It is the absence of these skills that result in pent up negative feelings expressed in acts of violence when they have reached the boiling point. In The Truth, the girl believes in herself and her own experience, even when the feelings are not positive.  In this way she models self-acceptance.  

     Part of the girl’s truth is the discovery that parents and other adults have limitations.  Parental disillusionment is a normal part of development where the youth realizes that parents are vulnerable and not perfect.  For some this process is associated with much anger and acting out behavior, stonewalling parents who “do not have a clue.”  The girl handles her awareness in a more positive way by envisioning future times when she will be able to do things differently.  

     Children should be able to communicate honestly about their own experience to responsible adults, especially parents, even about such taboo topics as feelings of infatuation. Conversely, adults should be more authentic in their communication with their children and sensitive to the impact of their communication or lack thereof.  Exposure to conflict between parents often has a negative effect on children that parents do not fully understand. Exposure to parent secrecy or inauthenticity can also result in negative feelings such as “a big giant pit in the bottom of my stomach.” It is these un- processed feelings that form the basis of psychological symptoms.  

        Dr. Holstein offers the truth as an expression of positive psychology for young girls.  The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is unique in that it is spoken in the words of the girl herself to the young reader. She speaks to the reader like a best friend who is confiding her secrets.  This intimate communication may be amazingly rare in a world of internet and text messaging where truth may be at risk of exposure and embarrassment.  Dr. Holstein has succeeded in expressing the truth in the words of the girl, in a light hearted book that is a quick and easy read.
 

I’m pleased to present Dr. Prince Embury’s full review for you today.  She really tells ‘the truth’ about what is important psychologically in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)  If we don’t want a new generation of ‘mean’ girls, or young girls more engrossed with following the lives of starlets than developing their own interests, talents and potential, than we need to help our kids, tweens and teens learn how to safely express their feelings, emotions and thoughts while becoming fine young people, in touch with who they are and what is special and important to them.  That’s one of the reasons why I wrote this book, which will soon become a series.  We need to look more at development at every stage of growing up.  So in the next book the girl will be 12-13.  Stay tuned! 
 

Telling the Truth, A Review of The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everthing)

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Telling the Truth

A Review of The Truth (I’m a girl I’m smart and I know everything)

Review by:  Sandra Prince-Embury, Ph.D.

Director, The Resiliency Institute of Allenhurst, LLC.

Author:  The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents

Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist

 

 

      The Truth by Dr.Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, is the secret diary of a ten year old girl.  Although exquisitely simple in form and expression the words of this unnamed girl suggest insights that are clinically and developmentally significant.  Embedded in the journal are messages about childhood that are important for adults to hear, presented in the words of a child.  One such message is the importance of communication for children. 

 

      The girl telling the ‘Truth’ identifies and verbalizes her feelings in her own words.  In this way she models skills of self awareness and expression. Children and teens often have difficulty putting feelings into words.  It is the absence of these skills  that result in  pent up negative feelings expressed in acts of violence when they have reached the boiling point.  In The Truth, the girl believes in herself and her own experience, even when the feelings are not positive.  In this way she models self-acceptance….

 

Come back tomorrow for more of Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury’s review of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  I’m thrilled to share her penetrating review the captures so well so many of the reasons why the ‘girl’ had to come to life and speak in this little book.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three!-radio show

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MEDIA ALERT

Who:        Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein will interview Andrea Fuller, CEO of Work It! Inc., and creator of Work It! Book Collection, is a veterinarian at Seaside Zoo in San Francisco. The mission of her books is to encourage girls to think BIG about the future and have fun! Her books are geared for girls 7 – 14 years old.

The first book in the Work It! Book Collection, fiction book series, introduces an internship program called the Work It Club for girls in San Francisco. The Work It Club places girls in jobs with professional women to learn about what they do. It features real details about the profession highlighted in each book.  The storyline includes, Bella Santi and Sierra Christmas getting an internship with Dr. Lopez at the Seaside Zoo.
What:       Under “Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at all Three,” Dr. Barbara will speak to Andrea on girls growing up, keeping their aspirations and drive toward careers, happiness and more. Dr. Barbara will critical issues that can interfere with a girl holding on to her dreams, such as bullying, poor parenting, gossiping, and lack of mentors. Andrea will share how her books help to correct some of the above by providing mentors and encouragement.
When:          Live 4:30pm EDT Monday, at internetvoicesradio.com.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the author of The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). A National Best Seller for Teens, The Truth is a fictional girl’s diary that with humor and pathos takes all the above issues into account.

For more information please contact Dr. Holstein at 732-571-1200 or encself@aol.com

reading mama blog reviews The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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6aI am always so happy when kids review my book.  Read what this 11 year old had to say today on reading mama “I am very excited that my daughter read The Truth and wrote a review about it. She is 11 years old just the right age for this book. When she completed reading it she said it was cool and that she could relate to the girl. Here is her complete review:

‘I’ve read The Truth by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein. I really enjoyed it very much. I can really related to The Truth because it told about how girls really feel. I could feel how the girl was feeling as she was going through crushes, family, and her dreams. The Truth told what girls want and what it takes to achieve it. I truly recommend The Truth to girls my age and a bit older. I believe most girls would and could relate to and enjoy The Truth.’

Thanks for the review!

Simple But Profound-The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything. What do you think?

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5.0 out of 5 stars THE TRUTH, Simple but Profound, April 7, 2008
By M. Pollard (New Jersey) – See all my reviews

THE TRUTH, is simple and yet profound. The diary of a girl’s most personal thoughts is a compelling perspective on intimate childhood feelings with an intelligent resolve to the challenges of growing up. This delightful manner of story-telling exudes youthful innocence, yet timeless wisdom. It is within the context of this constant flux, that we can find relevance to our own self-awareness as adults. Intended for nine to twelve year olds but appropriate for all generations; THE TRUTH allows us to renew those youthful ideals as we reflect on our “girls” heartfelt experiences. THE TRUTH offers an opportunity to connect to our daughters and granddaughters in an open and honest dialogue, and permission to have fun.

I thought you would enjoy seeing what another reader had to say about The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  I hope soon you will be sharing your thoughts and ideas.  And kids, tweens and teens, I really want to hear from you!  Free Truth necklace to any person under 21 who takes the time to read the book, and write a review.  Just be in touch with me at www.enchantedself.com or encself@aol.com 

Purity of Heart is Very Important

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22aThe Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) has so many topics imbedded into it for mothers and daughters and anyone who has walked the path of growing up as a girl that I hardly know which to pick. But since I must pick-let me pick purity of heart.

Purity of heart is in my opinion as a woman, a positive psychologist and having been a girl, a special vision that we often have in childhood. It is not just seeing with our eyes. It is a sixth sense combined with tender feelings and acute awareness of our surroundings. For example, when Laura Ingalls describes to us the way she ran through the prairie grass and looked up into the sky to follow hawks and looked at the stars at night while her father played the fiddle, her words evoke a purity of heart sensation in even adults.

She was able as a writer to create the whole atmosphere of her life on the prairie so that we feel something new and fresh and yet eternal as we read The Little House on the Prairie. In The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) I have tried to capture the same sense of purity of heart.

When the ‘girl’ is upset when her cousin swears it isn’t because she is making a moral judgment. It is because the swear words just feel bad as they hit her across the room. And when she dances with her mother up in the bedroom to rock and roll music, the relief of connecting with her mom and the pleasure of moving, laughing and hugging together is all there is. This is the moment and it is pure.

Purity of heart is a clean feeling and when we have purity of heart moments we can feel cleansed and delighted at the same time. Or if they are upsetting moments, as when the ‘girl’s’ cousin swore at least she knew he was not right and there was some relief just in the expression of her emotions.

I wanted to incorporate purity of heart into The Truth as we at all ages need to remember the intense pure feelings of childhood, both for ourselves and for the next generation. We need to remember them for ourselves so we can go there once again and experience the sweetness and passion that goes with really being alive, not just sleepwalking as sometimes we do as grown-ups.

And for the next generation’s sake we need to remember because we need to connect with our children and grandchildren and we need to reassure them and help validate for them that their emotions are not only pure but often more in tune with what is right that we are. Aging is not necessarily becoming emotionally more astute. Aging can sometimes just be aging.

The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) has many themes and one of them is most certainly don’t sleepwalk. Stay alive as you age and let the kids you know refresh you as well as the kid you were. After all, she is still inside of you! I promise and that’s the truth!