Author Archives: Barbara Holstein

Why I wrote The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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Often, when I speak to groups or on talk on the radio, people want to know why I wrote a certain book. I believe that my introduction to The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything), designed to be read by the girl, her mom or grandma, or teacher, or guidance counselor, explains best why I wrote the book. Here is what I say:

“When I was ten, and eleven, I knew so many things. I knew a lot of important stuff that my parents and other grown-ups had forgotten. I promised myself that I would find a way to hold on to my knowledge.

Then I grew up and became a teacher and a psychologist. I got married and had children. At work, as a psychologist, I listen to a lot of people’s problems, children and grown-ups. I always try to help them. One of the things I do is to point out to them what is right with them, rather than what is wrong. Another thing I do is to teach them how to have more fun. I also help them to remember their own wisdom and the truths that they already know in their hearts.

One day I decided to find a way to combine what I already knew as a girl with the knowledge I have as a psychologist. I had to find a fun way to do this that would really help girls and mothers recognize that what we know growing up is just as important as what we learn later.

One day, the ‘girl’ just appeared. She knew what to say and how to say it. She did a much better job of sharing THE TRUTH than I ever could have imagined. So I just let her go for it.

Here is her account of THE TRUTH. I hope you enjoy it. Remember your promises to yourself when you grow up and don’t forget to listen to your kids someday.

I better get out of the way and let the girl begin……”

I would just add, that since the book has been published, most girls relate to THE TRUTH at a deep level of connection. Most have had a crush, or a problem in school, or been afraid of moving to a new town, or upset if parents did not get along. However, some kids have a whole other ‘TRUTH’ that is uniquely theirs. And that is great. Even those few kids that don’t relate to the girl at all, if they take from the book to be true to themselves, and have the courage to grow up strong and resourceful, then my mission as a women, who was a girl,and a psychologist has been successful!

Diary Entry from the Chinese Version of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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I thought a lot of you might enjoy seeing some of the diary entries that are only being read in China at this point in time. Some of course, may appear in the second book in The Truth Series in the United States. Here is one of them. Let me know what you think.

“My cousin Eddie isn’t in college anymore. My parents were all upset yesterday because they got a call from my Aunt Lil saying that Eddie was thrown out of college. She was crying so hard on the phone that my dad had to keep telling her that it would be alright and just take a deep breath and get a drink of water.
I was eating breakfast and listening at the same time. I heard my father also tell my Aunt that probably he could go back to school but after he was clean. That didn’t make any sense to me.
So I made my mother tell me everything after my father left for work.
She said that Eddie was caught taking drugs. He was swallowing stuff in his room that could have made him very sick and he was giving it to other kids in the dormitory. The Dean of his college made him leave. My aunt is trying to find him help so he won’t do bad stuff anymore. That’s what my dad meant by getting ‘clean’.
I know what drugs are. But I never knew anyone who took any.
I play cards with Eddie when we go to visit once a year. He is five years older than I am, but I still liked playing with him and he never teased me. He was nice to me.
It is sad and scary what happened to him. And that’s the truth.”

CHINESE VERSION of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is now for sale in China and Dr. Holstein has received six copies. The Chinese title is The Truth, with the sub-title being: My Secret Diary. I’m a smart girl. And I know everything!

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Can you imagine my excitement when I came to my office last week and saw a package for me from China? I was thrilled just looking at the exotic stamps on the package. But I was much more thrilled when I opened the box and there were six copies of my book The Truth in the Chinese version. First of all, the book is beautiful from start to finish. The cover is white with a shading of pink into rose that I love. The words The Truth appear on the cover, as well as my name B.B. Holstein and of course the name of the publisher, XI’ An Jiaotong University Press. There is a picture of a notebook on the cover and the quotes from the Little Prince that I love, “All grownups were children first. (But few of them remember it.)” And then the second quote: “Grownups never understand anything by themselves, and it is exhausting for children to provide explanations over and over again.”

On the inside flap is my picture and a short bio and also a picture of Professor Chen who translated the book.

There is an introduction that I wrote specifically for China about how we live here. Also there are about 35 diary entries that are unique to this edition of the book. Most of them are about the ‘girl’s’ school life. Some are about other issues that come up in her life, such as when a cousin takes drugs and has to go away to a rehab. Over time I will share many of those entries.

What makes this edition so incredibly charming is the lay-out. Almost every page has a little picture that corresponds to what the girl is talking about on that page in her diary. If the picture doesn’t correspond than it is just some adorable, feminine picture that fits the whole atmosphere of the book. I am so impressed with the effort that went into the lay-out.

Can you feel my excitement? I am really enthralled and somewhat entranced by this book. Some how this edition takes me beyond myself. It speaks to me from a foreign land, and yet I wrote it! It acts as an ambassador of good will to another land and yet I created it! It has taken shape beyond what I was able to give it. It is like a child that one has nurtured and yet now speaks very much in its own voice with its own mission.

I am very happy to follow The Truth wherever it needs to be! And of course, I can’t wait for feedback from China. I hope some children and parents will write to me.

Barbara Becker Holstein At the Girl Scout meeting in Ocean Township

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Barbara Becker Holstein At the Girl Scout meeting in Ocean Township a couple of weeks ago, the girls and their mom’s really enjoyed dividing up into groups and discussing different topics generated by The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). I think they most enjoyed issues around moving and also family relationships. Here is what one girl said would most concern her about moving: 1. making new friends, 2. what I would have to leave behind, and 3. getting used to new things.

Welcome Changes Radio host Velma Gallant interviews exciting and dynamic guests such as New York Times best selling author, Neale Donald Walsch, Mike Dooley from “The Secret”, and Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein! Read what Dr. Barbara had to say about the show and listen to the show yourself!

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Being a radio guest of Velma Gallant, the Queen of Joy, was a true treat. She is a marvelous radio host, who knows how to elicit from her guest so much information. I felt like my expertise as a positive psychologist and as an educator was just pouring out of me as we chatted about my book,girl, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). It was a wonderful experience for me. I got to cover so many issues, including parenting, growing up and facing the storm of adolescence, the concept of resiliency and lots more. I even got to talk about about my first book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy.
I’m excited that you can listen to the podcast of our show together. Here is the link:http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-40777/TS-253960.mp3

Enjoy!

CHINESE VERSION OF THE TRUTH (I’M A GIRL, I’M SMART, AND I KNOW EVERYTHING) IS NOW FOR SALE IN CHINA

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1. Would you like to tell us a little about yourself, your family, your profession, and where you live in America?
I am a psychologist in private practice, licensed to practice in the state of New Jersey, where I live. I am married to another psychologist, Dr. Russell Holstein, and we practice together. I have two grown children. My daughter is married and has three children, so I am a grandma and love it. My son is still single. I live about 1 and ½ hours from New York City. I enjoy visiting New York. It is so alive and there is so much going on all the time. I live near the sea and often walk along the beach.

2. Tell us briefly what this book is about and your purpose for writing this book.
This book is about a young girl growing up. She keeps a diary and within the diary speaks from the heart about her life. She has good days and bad days. She is happy and she is sad. She is often wise. All of her adventures and daily life is in these pages.

The purposes of the book is to help grown-ups get back to the child inside of themselves and to help kids feel strong and proud to have a ‘voice’. Sometimes grown-ups forget what it is like to be a kid. Sometimes kids feel worthless and not understood. I hope this book helps to correct both problems.

3. What inspired the story of “The Truth”?
Working with children for so many years as a teacher, school psychologist and private practice psychologist, I realized how important it is to validate the inner thoughts and feelings of young people. The format of a diary seemed to make more sense than the format of a novel. This is the first book in a series. In each book the girl will get older and have new problems.

4. Does the name “The Truth” have special meaning?
Yes, I called it The Truth in English because there is a wisdom within young people that is ignored by grown-ups. Yet young people know they have wisdom and they often know how things should be. They may be powerless to change certain things, but they see the truth.

5. Describe the main character of the little girl. What makes her unique?
The girl is smart. She knows how to do a lot of things. She is very sensitive and can be hurt easily. She worries a lot. She is determined to succeed in life. She wants best friends and she is aware of lots of the problems of growing up. Actually, she is unique and yet she is universal in nature. That is why she is not given a name. Many of us, at least us women, were a lot like her when we were growing up.

Why is The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) important reading for Girls and Their Moms?

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The Truth helps girls see that they are not alone, by being able to so easily identify with the ‘girl’ who is sharing her most personal feelings and thoughts with them directly, via diary form. If Mom also reads The Truth and shares more of her thoughts and feelings while also listening to her daughter’s ‘real’ voice, than a family correction will be made and indeed, the girl will be less alone

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“What a delightful book! The girl made me smile. I could relate to her on many levels- from her first crush to being picked last for sports. She”s not only funny, she”s insightful. Girls at any age could learn from her.”
~Allie Triggs

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The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is now in all major bookstores in China in an English/Chinese version. Here is the beautiful cover. The title in China is: How an American girl grows up.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein discusses The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything) with several Girl Scout troops from Ocean Township.

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Discussion with Girl Scouts

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein discusses The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) with several Girl Scout troops from Ocean Township. It was a lively discussion. We chatted about lots of topics brought up by the girl in the book. Some included moving, parents fighting, growing up, sibling annoyances, friendships. All the girls were very interested in the second book in The Truth Series for Girls, which Dr. Holstein has just finished.