Growing Up Isn’t Easy!

November 2, 2011 by

In The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl talks, at times, about not wanting to grow up.

Feelings about not wanting to grow up are common and often not discussed, as kids realize that most of the time parents expect them to want to grow up.

We as adults have often forgotten about how hard it is to move into adolescence. The bodily changes alone, are overwhelming. How many of us suffered with pimples, anxieties about getting our period, and all sorts of other issues? Just about all of us, although these issues may seem very far away now. I remember some mood swings that seemed to come out of the blue when I was 11. Hormones raging through my body, I’m sure didn’t help.

We have to be compassionate and helpful to those young ladies in our lives who are transitioning. Giving advise, and sharing about our own ups and downs as we moved through those years can take the pressure off a lot of what is happening.

The girl in The Truth realizes there are some great things about not being a grown-up yet. For example, she doesn’t have to earn a living. She can focus most of her attention on herself, her school work and other interests. Later in life it is harder to focus on ourselves. Multi-tasking takes over and there is little time for self-development.

At the same time, it is for most of us, a blessing to be part of a family of some sort, and to have a chance to participate in raising children. It is often exciting to work at a job and to have the power to make decisions about the course of our lives.

So really, all stages of life have their benefits and their losses. If we can stay light hearted as we see some of the pluses and minuses and keep a sense of humor, we can have such fun talking to kids about our stage of life as well as listening to the successes and frustrations that our kids feel about their lives.

The simple message is: Keep sharing. Your daughter will grow up even if she doesn’t want to for the moment. Don’t panic. Keep talking and sharing. Laugh and cuddle. Spend time together and give her your wisdom. But…make sure your don’t block out hers! She has wisdom also! Enjoy listening to it.

Filed Under: Amazon, Book Reviews, girls, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Moms, Parents, Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, Seven Gateways to Happiness for Girls, teens, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Tweens

Helping Your Daughter To Be Less Nervous About Starting a New School Year

September 19, 2011 by

Starting a new school year, whether your daughter is returning to a school building she has gone to before, or you have moved and all is new for her, can be very upsetting. You may find your daughter nervous, perhaps tearful, not sleeping well or wishing she could go to a different school or even not go to school. Here are some ideas to help your daughter adjust:

Reassure her that it is normal to be nervous before we start anything new, even if we have done the same routines in the past. Tell her that you realize that sixth grade is not fifth grade, etc. and that you are on her side.

If you have moved or she will be changing schools, she may also be upset that she is leaving behind a best friend, or several good friends. See what you can do to make this transition less painful.

Maybe you can invite over some of her old friends for a pizza supper, or transport her back to where you did live so she can visit these friends.

At the very least, encourage her to stay in touch with them.

Also let her know that she will make new friends. It just takes time.

If you had something similar happen to you when you were growing up, take the time to share your story with her.

Try to get in touch with the feelings she may have. She probably feels lonely and/or jealous that her old friends may have new friends already to share with. These are very human feelings and you can do her a great service by sharing feelings you have had at times growing up and how they were resolved.

You daughter may also be scared that the work this year will be too hard for her. If she has already started school and complains it is too hard sit down with her and see what she is referring to.

Sometimes a child is correct and may need your help to go into school with her and sit down with her teacher or guidance counselor to see if the work is on the right level for her. Take her seriously. Even if she is exaggerating, remember it feels real to her for now.

Being your daughter’s ally can really help her. She doesn’t have the perspective we have as grown-ups to know that things feel strange when they are new. Help her understand that we are resilient to most situations and after awhile she will feel herself again and also feel relaxed and at ease in her new environment.

And best of all, with all of the above, by being your daughter’s ally, the two of you will grow even closer as you show you really care and you take the time to talk to her.

Filed Under: I'm a girl, Parents, Secrets, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Tweens Tagged With:

Boredom – the best thing since sliced bread

August 2, 2011 by

The truth for girls  Can you believe that Summer vacation is almost over? As the month of August rolls in there are kids  who are saying things like, “I’m bored. I have nothing to play with or no one to do stuff with.” It’s common. No matter matter how many games or items someone has. No matter how social someone is. No matter even how busy a person is, people of all ages can still get bored for lots of reasons.

Regardless of your age, the first thing to remember is that you don’t have to be doing something all the time. It’s perfectly fine to have days or just hours when you do absolutely nothing. For most people though, doing nothing equates to being bored. Whatever you call it, having down time where your mind can just wander or not think about anything is very healthy!

Instead of replacing the boredom with the latest and greatest item, try some of these suggestions next time you or someone in your family says, “I’m bored.”

Allow yourself to simply rest without any interruptions.
Give your brain the opportunity to be creative. Sometimes the best ideas happen when you daydream.
If you normally don’t read for pleasure, pick up a book again. And I mean a real, printed book because there is something unique about actually turning paper pages versus touching a button to turn an electronic page.
Call (not text) an old friend you haven’t spoken with in a long time. It’s amazing how connecting with people can give you a positive boost. Too many people today get wrapped up in their virtual world and forget the importance and benefits of actually talking with another human being.
Look through photo albums. Most people still have those even if they are from years ago. Reminiscing is good for the mind, body, and soul.
Make a list of everything you appreciate. If your boredom is from being tired of what you have or what you are doing, taking a look at the good things in your life can help.
Volunteer. Doing something for others without expecting anything in return is very humbling and rewarding. After doing that, you may look at boredom very differently.
Make a bucket list. Many people rush through life so busy that they never take time to enjoy it.
Use your imagination. For kids, this could be pulling out toys from when they were little. A teenager would build something quite different with Tinker Toys or Lincoln Logs than they did when they were four or five. Have family activity night if you don’t already. This doesn’t mean watching TV or everyone playing on their own electronic sitting in the same room. It means doing an activity together.
Enjoy and explore nature. Remember the joke, “He has nothing to do so he’s watching the grass grow?” It’s not as silly as it sounds. If you’ve ever watched a spider spin a web or any other insect do what they naturally do, observing nature can do wonders for boredom. Basically, it’s the same idea as “Stop and smell the roses.”
It seems like the more we have, the easier it is for people get bored and the more likely people are to want more and more.

So try something different and appreciate the boredom occasionally.

Find out more at http://www.thetruthforgirls.com/

You can purchase The Truth at http://www.amazon.com/Truth-Girl-Smart-Know-Everything/dp/0979895200?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205256246&sr=1-1

Filed Under: girls, I'm a girl, Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, Summer, teens Tagged With: , , , ,

Dr. Holstein, positive psychologist reveals an excerpt from her new book SECRETS

April 12, 2010 by

I thought you might like to read an excerpt from the second book in The Truth Series which is due out later this week on Amazon. As soon as I have a link to purchase the book for you I will send out an announcement. In this book, SECRETS: You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine…Maybe! the girl is now 13. The family has moved and a whole series of events, dilemmas and occasions to experience the ups and downs of growing up are about to emerge. Here is how the book starts:

June 27

I can’t believe it. Today we moved and I feel like I’m in a dream. I just keep walking around our new house and wondering when we will go home. It feels so different and strange. The floors are all bare wood. Everything is on one floor. It’s called a ranch house, I don’t know why. My mother said our rugs would look terrible here so she let the people who bought our house keep them. I think she was right. They’re a dark maroon and the walls are a light cream in this house. I don’t think that would look good.

I went to the bathroom three times since we got here and every time I used a different bathroom. I can’t believe it. Three different toilets in the same house! Only my friend Susan, my rich friend, has more than two bathrooms. And now we do. I keep measuring the living room. Would you believe it’s 27 feet by 15 feet? I used my own feet and added a few inches each time I took a step.

When I look out of the windows I expect to see the shrubs and the Hudson house to my left and I don’t. Instead I see a big open field that will probably have houses on it by next year. That’s what my father said. And when I look out to the right I expect to see our clothesline and the Dixon’s driveway. Instead I see rose bushes and a wooden bench, under a tree, that the last owners said we could have.

We had to eat supper off paper plates and use wooden throw-away forks, knives and spoons because our boxes are still packed. My aunt made us a big picnic hamper of food and that’s what we ate for supper.

My brother already started to play with a kid next door who’s about a year older than he is. He’s so lucky. I have no one yet and that’s the truth!

Can you feel for the girl as she is suddenly in new surroundings?

Did you ever move growing up?

Do you remember how you felt?

What do you think she wants most to happen and soon? Hint: Look at the last paragraph.

What are some of the things you think might happen to her this year?

Please write to me on www.thetruthforgirls.com or at drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Filed Under: I'm a girl Tagged With: , , ,