Category Archives: resiliency

Lucille Ball Mentored Me When I Was a Child

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As adults we forget how important mentors are to kids. A mentor can be a family dog that shares endless love, a teacher who never forgets to recognize and praise successes, a tree that teaches the comforts of just relaxing in the shade or even a television personality who is always there for a child to come home to. For me, one of my favorite mentors was Lucille Ball.

Oh, what ecstasy in my childhood to finish a dreary Monday by watching Lucy come to grips with her life in hysterical ways! She gave me courage to believe as a little girl that one could overcome adversity, have a life worth living, fill that life with positive emotions and fun, and stay happy even when faced with momentary distress. No one in the world could eat as many chocolates as fast as Lucy, working on an assembly line, bake a loaf of bread so large it overtook the kitchen, or carry a smelly cheese onto an international flight, wrapped up as baby! No one could make me laugh so hard!

Lucy has held the key to my humor heart at any time of day or night! Ah, I wish I could find her any time I need her — after a bad day, after bad news, after too big a dinner — after almost any occasion that could be buffered by a good laugh, and a comforting sense of the familiar.

What was her magic? How has she managed to take me to my Enchanted Self since I was a 10-year-old child, watching her in Fairfield, Connecticut on Monday nights? How has she engendered positive states of being again and again?

First of all, for most of us over 25, Lucy has become part of our history. She was always there, on a snow day, a day of illness, a late night when one couldn’t sleep. If you were lucky and flicked enough stations, there she was. Her smile was infectious, and her ineptness made us all feel comfortable. It was as if she revealed our most embarrassing moments for us. We never had to feel the shame or humiliation of tripping down the stairs with a giant showgirl hat on our heads or try to catch up with the real superman on the ledge to our apartment! Lucy did it for us. Yet, inside of each of us was the youngster that would have given anything to be in a show or looking for superman!

Secondly, she gave us the ‘real’ family that had a lot going for it, which not all of us had. They really seemed to love each other, they had good friends, they always made up when they fought, and nothing happened that was truly devastating. Silly mistakes were just that, and grudges were not held! They got to travel and meet famous people and eat in fancy restaurants! And, they had a baby and everyone was happy and loved the baby and no one was jealous. Lastly, they got to move up in life when they finally moved to the suburbs into a big house with lots of land and funny happenings. They even raised chickens!

What a beautiful world Lucy and her gang recreated for us. It was our country, our way of life, but on top of the familiar were humor, love, and always recovery from problems or embarrassments. In her own way she created positive psychology, before it had a name, for kids, tweens and teens.

In essence, she made the familiar the best it could be! She helped us live in our imaginations for a while, yet kept us earthbound at the same time. Yes, we were in states of well being, again and again — which is what THE ENCHANTED SELF is all about.

I realize now that she was one of my most important mentors. She was as important as Laura in Little House on The Prairie, one of the best books for girls that I ever read. Laura came to like in her books. Lucy came to life on our black and while tv screen. Thanks, Lucy! I hope I see you stuffing chocolates into your mouth again soon, so I can feel good about my silly moments and have another wonderful belly laugh!

Welcome Changes Radio host Velma Gallant interviews exciting and dynamic guests such as New York Times best selling author, Neale Donald Walsch, Mike Dooley from “The Secret”, and Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein! Read what Dr. Barbara had to say about the show and listen to the show yourself!

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Being a radio guest of Velma Gallant, the Queen of Joy, was a true treat. She is a marvelous radio host, who knows how to elicit from her guest so much information. I felt like my expertise as a positive psychologist and as an educator was just pouring out of me as we chatted about my book,girl, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). It was a wonderful experience for me. I got to cover so many issues, including parenting, growing up and facing the storm of adolescence, the concept of resiliency and lots more. I even got to talk about about my first book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy.
I’m excited that you can listen to the podcast of our show together. Here is the link:http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-40777/TS-253960.mp3

Enjoy!

SUCCESS is Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration! Dr. Harry A. Becker, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s Dad taught her that!

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Sometimes kids and adults forget how much resiliency and persistence we can really muster.  Life is not always easy, but we can grow as we never give up.  I was so lucky.  I had a great mentor in my father.  It is ten years since he died, actually on May 16th.  So in memory of my dad and in the hopes of further inspiring all of you, here is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he was gravely ill and in the hospital.

When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ·The laziest ·The least deserving. ·The least likely to succeed.

Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving father, and certainly 35aa loving son. Beyond these roles and all of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped potential in everyone who crossed his path–even me!

I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most accomplishments are “Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.” For example, when I was a teenager he would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish. “Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to task.” He was always there to ease my burden but not take it away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How could he be helpful but not do my job–Proofreading? Driving me to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did work for me–it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could live with the pain and get beyond it.

He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination. Never give up. You can do it!

 

 

A Secret Valentine Sent by The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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Dear Diary,

Last year I wrote my secret entry about Paul on Valentine’s Day.  Do you remember?  I sent him a Valentine and I was so desperate to see if he sent me one.  I had to open Valentines from everyone in the class until I found his.  Do you remember what it said?  It said, “Be my Valentine.”38a  I was so happy.  I could hardly sleep that night.

This year I will of course be sending Paul a Valentine.  Even though I don’t feel quite the same about him.  I’m not sure why, but I know one reason is that he looks away a lot when I look at him.  I think he might think I’m staring at him.

Anyway, I decided to do something else this year.  I read about the idea in one of my mother’s magazines.  It was  in an article  called BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.  There was a  long list of things you could do to be nice to yourself.

Some were stuff like skip the laundry this week ,  buy yourself a new nightgown and get a new hairstyle.   Some of  the list sounded stupid.   Anyway it was for women, not girls.  But the one thing I liked was Send a Valentine  to Yourself.  So I’m doing that this year.  I have almost finished it.  I made it out of construction paper and lace and it is very beautiful.  And you know what I’m saying?

“I love you very much and I’ll never forget you!”  I am very excited.  I’m even going to glue little candy hearts on it.

Don’t tell anyone.  They would think I was silly.   Remember, it’s a secret.

Finding Joy after Relationships Fail

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Maureen states, “I didn’t want the book to end. I want to find to what happens to the girl!”

Come and listen to this lively conversation about the psychology behind The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).

Archives: Finding Joy after Relationships Fail with Maureen Staiano – Contact Talk Radio

The Truth is resiliency is important. Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury Discusses resiliency with Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, author of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

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Dr. Sandra Prince Embury, nationally know expert on resiliency had this to say to Dr. Holstein:33a

The definition of resiliency is the qualities in the child, teenager or adult that allow them to face adversities and social pressures in a way that they can recover from, ride through, maintain functioning, and in some cases, grow, and function even better.  And what I consider the underpinnings of resiliency are basically core aspects of development. 

 The reason that I’m focusing on that right now, especially in children and adolescents, is that in society, we have had to face a lot of adversity, perhaps more adversity than in the past, and there is more of a focus on preparing our youth for adversity.  Of course, women are a special group in that there are special forces on girls and women that need to be dealt with.

 

But basically, it’s about surviving and dealing with adversity and maintaining your functioning and growing, even in the face of adversity.

One reason I wrote The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is to show girls how resilient they naturally are.  To learn to recognize their coping powers and their abilities to overcome obstacles and have fun in the process, by identifying with the girl in the book.  As she says on page 19: “I know a million ways to have fun.  I better know they because I feel so rotten when I’m picked last for kickball…”