I’m so excited. I just sent a batch of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) down south to a group of girls in a self-esteem group run by Amy Stachler. The girls go to various schools but the club is Club G2G and all the girls are participating in Relay for Life (cancer walk). I think that is wonderful! Amy already wrote to me that the girls were really excited with the book. I wonder how they will react as they read the book. Will they identify with the girl and her feelings? Do they ever feel that a teacher or a parent is not really listening to them? Do they promise themselves about how they will be when they grow up? Do they have crushes? How do they feel the girl handled her crush with Paul? I can’t wait to hear from them. This is so exciting.
Category Archives: Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens
Book club encourages parent-child discourse
When seven Manasquan mothers and their sixth-grade daughters discuss a book they”ve all been reading, the conversation is about far more than the story. They share their feelings and thoughts about the issues in the book and about life.
Encouraging such communication was a goal when founding the Manasquan Mother Daughter Book Club in 2006, says Maribeth Pelly, 42, whose daughter Zoe, 12, is a member. The club has achieved that and helped the girls become more confident when expressing themselves, she says.
What do you want in the next edition of The Truth(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)?
The book is selling so fast that I am already thinking about reprinting. The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) was #6 in the top 100 on Amazon today in the category of BEING A TEEN. Thanks to everyone who helped with that rank by buying the book! And thanks for telling me that yes, there is a place for the world of positive psychology and fiction to merge!
So, I thought you might want to share some ideas with me. In the next edition, would you like: 1. more secret diary entries that have never been public before? 2. Pages from the second book in the series where the girl is a year older? and/or 3. More questions and activities you can do after you read the book? Please let me know what you would prefer!
The Truth is: We have all had a crush! Dr. Holstein talks about crushes, and so does the girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
On p.43 of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl says: “Paul and I are the same height now. I grew this year and he didn’t. My mother says that is common at my age.”
“I liked it when he was taller than me. But I still love him.”
Yes, we have all had crushes. I remember how in love I was with a fellow who took me to the movies when I was 13 and my family met up with his family at a summer resort. I barely knew him but just sitting in a summer movie house for two hours with him and wow! holding his hand was enough. All summer I waited for his letter that he had promised to write. Day after day. I carried the torch for two full months. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t written. After all, he had said he would!
My mother tried to console me and told me there would be lots of other boys. Her kindness only partly helped. I had to live through the esctasy and the agony myself. Good news, by September, he was but a vague shadow in my past. Someone else had my eye . But that is another crush story!
How about you? Who did you have a crush on? What happened? Was your mom helpful?
And what about your daughter? Does she share crush information with you? Do you think she should? Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Mother-Daughter Book Club in Manasquan, New Jersey
I’ve been talking so much about my new book. But they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I thought all of you would enjoy seeing me in action with my book. Here I am with the girls from the Mother-Daughter Book Club in Manasquan, New Jersey. One of the girls, April, had read my book The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) this summer and recommended the book.
As you can see by our smiling faces, it was a wonderful night. I was so happy that all the mothers and daughters had read the book and were ready to discuss school, social, family and communication issues brought up in the book. See the paper heart necklaces I am wearing? Each of them has on it a question that April had prepared so we would have plenty to talk about.
Here is a sample of several of the questions: “What are five things you promise to do when you grow up? How would you react if your mom told you you’re too young for a bra but you wanted one? Do you think teachers have an affect on kids emotions? explain…”
The more I work with The Truth I realize how different from other books it is as an educational and motivational tool. The kids fall in love with the girl who keeps such a truthful diary. They read it as fiction. But it opens up so many doors for education, communication and helping girls develop their true potential.
That night the mothers, girls and I could have talked for hours and hours. We did talk for over 1 1/2 hours, but we had to stop for luscious cupcakes and brownies that the kids had made!
Seven Gateways to Happiness For Girls-How Do We Help Our Girls Walk Through the Gateways to Happiness?
There are Seven Gateways to Happiness that we all need to walk through, in fact, we must walk through them again and again to attain true happiness. Why? Because although each is different, they all hang together. We can”t be complete without success in all seven. I”ve talked at great length about how as women, we best walk through these Gateways. In fact, you can download for free, off of the front page of www.enchantedself.com a paper that will take you through the Seven Gateways to Happiness. But what if you are a girl? Is it exactly the same? No it is not. Kids are different from grown-ups and so is the journey to happiness. Are parents essential in helping their kids walk through the Seven Gateways to Happiness? You bet! You are critical. So let”s take a look.
The first Gateway to Happiness is Recognizing the Best in Ourselves. Having good self-esteem is another way to put it. How can we help our kids recognize the best in themselves? Certainly not by criticizing them, nor putting them down, nor by talking about embarrassing things in front of other people. Certianly not by showing disappointment in their achievements, or evaluating them in comparison to other siblings or friends. To help kids, and in particular, girls, get through the first Gateway to Happiness we need to encourage their talents, their strengths, their coping skills and their potential. Sounds easy? Sometimes it is. But sometimes it is hard. What I would like to see as a strength in my child, may be what she is weak at.
So we need to learn how to discuss and communicate effectively with our daughters. For instance, I would like my daughther to be social and comfortable with people. She may be instead somewhat of a loner, who”s strength is a feel for nature and all that is in it. She collects rocks, she feeds birds, she studies spider”s webs. Bottom line is she is different from my expectations. Most kids are. But the responsibility of a parent is to love and develop your child to the best of her abilities anyway. So to the best of my abilities I need to let her know that I treasure and value her strengths and yes, that I am also very proud of her when she combines those strengths in ways that develop her weaker side-in this case, her social side. I”m proud because I love her, I respect her differences and yet as a parent I know it will be better for her if she develops many facets of her personality.
When you read, The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) you may begin to recognize how I have woven the Seven Gateways to Happiness into the story. Of course, as even the “girl” in the book needs to walk through all seven to achieve happiness. Next time we will look at the Second Gateway to Happiness: Falling in Love With Ourselves.
First Positive Psychology Fiction Book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is a Hit!
Tonight I was at a book signing in Howell, New Jersey at the Barnes & Noble there. As I was meeting and greeting some many different people, and busily signing books, I found myself explaining how The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is so different from other books for girls, tweens, teens and moms. For one thing, it is based on Positive Psychology principles that encourage living up to one’s potential, celebrating our strengths and holding on to our most authentic selves as we grow.
On the other hand, rather than being a typical self-help book, it is a true fictiional read. It is a girl’s diary and one quickly becomes involved with the girl and her life. There is a mystery to be solved and lots of action. It is a fun read.
Also the book can be used after one reads it for endless discussions as the topics brought up in the book are vital to growing up, and even to being a woman.
Soon on this blog, I’ll be taking you through pages and sharing ideas for discussion with you.
Kids, Tweens and Teens with Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein interviewed Venessa Van Patten, author of Your Grounded!
In this week”s podcast I interview Venessa Van Patten, who is the author of Your Grounded! She is a remarkable young woman who has actually done research on the thoughts, actions and feelings of teen-agers. Listen to the inside scoop! We discuss her research, her growing up her book and of course The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything). This is a great show.
Right click here and choose “Save Target As..” to Download the Mp3
Can You Handle the ‘Truth’? | The Jewish Exponent
Experts confirm what the majority of people know: Truth comes in a number of forms and reveals itself in myriad ways, and that it’s often relative, depending on the needs and expectations of the seeker.
Now, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, based in Long Branch, N.J., and a nationally known positive psychologist — an officially recognized branch of psychology that centers on what’s right with people — examines what truth is as young girls see it, in her new book, titled The Truth: I’m a Girl, I’m Smart and I Know Everything, the first in what is expected to be a series.
The book, which contains a “bit of mystery” because girls love that, noted Holstein, is the fictitious account of a young girl who keeps a secret diary in which she writes about the thoughts, ideas, people and events that shape and forge the truth for her.
In the process, it establishes a forum for discussion with parents and peers.
Through the eyes and feelings of the girl, Holstein comments professionally about truth’s particular impact on females aged 8, 9 and 10 years old — and beyond. It also focuses on its meaning in connection with interaction with the adults in their lives — mothers, grandmothers, fathers, teachers and others.
In the introduction to the book, Holstein, reflecting on her own days as a young girl, wrote: “One day I decided to find a way to combine what I already knew as a girl with the knowledge I have as a classroom teacher, case-study researcher, school psychologist, and a psychologist in private practice, in Long Branch, for nearly 30 years. I had to find a fun way to do this that would really help girls and mothers recognize that what we know growing up is just as important as what we learn later.”
“One day the ‘girl’ just appeared. She knew what to say and how to say it. She did a much better job of sharing the truth than I ever could have imagined. So I just let her go for it. I used a child’s voice because children understand things in a special way. In the end, the young girl will become a young woman and will keep the best of herself.”
There are 12 to 15 serious topics embedded in the book that offer young girls and their parents the opportunity to discuss the subjects. Girls throughout the world, explained Holstein, experience similar aspects of growing up, with crushes, family and sibling friction, and being bullied at school just a few of the categories that bewilder children and cause them to feel alone.
And Then There’s the Internet
When the influence of the Internet is thrown into the mix, unavoidable and continual situations for concern arise, leaving parents unsure of how to handle these challenging aspects of a young girl’s life, said Holstein.
Here’s an excerpt from The Truth: “What is wrong with human beings? I had to read The Diary of Anne Frank in Sunday school and again I felt so horrible. She died only a few years older than I am. And she loved life so much. How can it be? … ”
At the back of the book, readers will find 25 discussion questions for youngsters.
Why did Holstein write The Truth? “I wrote it because after having worked on women’s issues for years, I came to the conclusion that women at every stage of life need to find ways to build self-esteem and self-worth.
“Every girl wants a mother who listens and is aware of her behavior, especially during the tween years. Family is fun, and tweens want to feel special in their families. The Truth gives girls 8 to 14 years old the knowledge that they are not alone, while it reminds mothers what it was like to be this age,” explained Holstein.
Among her hopes for the book — which ranks second in parenting tweens book topics on Amazon.com — she said, is to see it in school libraries, adding that “my other dream would be to see it turned into a musical.”
Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury, Resili ency Expert, Guest on Dr. Holstein’s radio show, Kids Tweens and Tenns, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three, on www.internetvoicesradio.com
Today, May 12, 2008 Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury was Dr. Holstein’s guest on her radio show, Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at all Three on www.internetvoicesradio.com. This show is recorded and archived and available 24/7 for downloading and as a podcast. Dr. Prince Embury discussed Dr. Holstein’s new book, The Truth,(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). She mentioned how important the book is for tweens and teens, giving them a model for the skills of self awareness and expression which are so critical for tweens and teens. The girl is able to verbalize her feelings in her own words and actually speaks so naturally, that the reader feels she is really talking to her. Her honesty and her capacity to adjust to disappointments, even around the failings of her parents are also important issues for youngsters developmentally.
Dr. Sandra Prince Embury is a nationally known expert in the field of Resiliency, having developed The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents. Come and listen to the show! If you have kids-it is a must!