Discussion with Girl Scouts
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein discusses The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) with several Girl Scout troops from Ocean Township. It was a lively discussion. We chatted about lots of topics brought up by the girl in the book. Some included moving, parents fighting, growing up, sibling annoyances, friendships. All the girls were very interested in the second book in The Truth Series for Girls, which Dr. Holstein has just finished.
Most of you know by this time that The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is about to be released in China in an expanded version. It will include both English and Chinese and over 35 Diary entries that have never been seen in this country! The title there will be: How an American Girl Grows Up. Having my book appear in a major country, such as China, for kids and adults to read is a true blessing.
Over the past year so many moms, kids, teachers, grandmas and others have given the book great endorsements and also wonderful feedback, support and wisdom. I have listened carefully to all of you. In fact, already in the Chinese version I have incorporated aspects of what you have been saying. And there will be more changes when The Truth is reprinted and of course your feedback has influenced the second book which I have just finished! Look for it within six months. In the second book, Secrets, the girl is a year older. Lots of adventures and challenges happen. So stay tuned.
Meanwhile, I thought you would enjoy reading one of the excerpts from the Chinese version of The Truth, NEVER seen before in this country.
“My mother took me over to my new school. It is gigantic. I never saw such a big building except the hospital.
The principal was very nice to me. His name is Mr. Palmquist. He is old. I think about 55. I can’t imagine him being mean to the kids. He showed me the classrooms and the lockers in the hallways. Then we went to see the cafeteria that had beautiful paintings on the walls. He said that long ago when artists didn’t have any work, President Roosevelt had a plan. Let them all paint beautiful paintings on public buildings and the government would pay them.
So a bunch of them came to this school and decorated the cafeteria and some of the hallways.
I can’t wait to eat in the cafeteria.
Mr. Palmquist said that he had picked a very nice homeroom teacher for me and I should be very happy there.
I hope I will be happy. Right now I’m just scared and I miss everyone and I wish we had never moved. And that’s the truth.”
As you can see, this excerpt deals with the girl starting school in a new town. She is scared, as most of us are, when new things are happening. As you can see, there are many issues in the above short episode for mom and daughter to talk about. Adjusting to new circumstances is an universal situation we all face. From my point of view, as a positive psychologist, the ‘girl’ is a fictional character in and of herself, but she is also a jumping off point for really important topics, that have lots of feelings and issues surrounding them, that we all need to process at one time or another.
Keep sharing your feelings and ideas! After all, the third book is already on the horizon.
I enjoy the company of my two nieces; while one is just two, the other is almost 9 now, an age that has made her mom a bundle of nerves. The “tweens” as these years between 8 and 13 are called, has replaced the teens of a few decades ago. Parents of teenagers were in a constant state of anxiety, wondering how to get them through these troubled years without too big a problem. Today, parents have to begin to worry a few years earlier, when their kids are in their tweens.
As far as I can judge, my niece is a well-adjusted child, even though she does throw the occasional tantrum that has mom and daughter up in arms against each other. But in a year or so, the tiffs between the two are going to get worse, over issues like makeup, clothes, and yes, boys. It’s one of life’s pleasures when you’re blessed with a baby girl, but someone ought to ask God to help the moms magically get through the rough tween and teen years.
Television and shows like Hannah Montana and High School Musical are not doing too much to help either. In fact, they’re in a way responsible for inducing young girls to go in for spray tans, facials, highlights, massages and other beauty treatments at beauty salons. Besides this, there’s the pressure from peers that makes all young girls want to look as grownup as possible (little do they realize that in a decade or so, they’re going to be spending all their time trying to look as young as possible).
The problems parents face as their little girls grow up have a lot to do with the way a woman’s body and physiology are designed. They undergo both physical and emotional changes, and combined with the plethora of “cool” things that are suddenly accessible (like makeup, grownup clothes, boys, and in worst cases, drugs and alcohol), they pack quite a punch for a young mind. It’s hard to remain rational and mature when all your friends are doing it. It’s hard not to succumb to peer pressure and refuse to go along with your friends, not when you’re trying to fit in and be popular.
Parents have to deal with these sensitive issues in a way that’s mature and patient. Very often, they have to draw the line somewhere and put down some ground rules, something that’s extremely hard to do when your daughter is in a rebellious phase. They also have to talk about sex with their daughters – it’s best they learn about it from you because they’ll be able to come to you with any questions they may have as the years go by.
It’s tough, but close-knit families with a sense of values manage to make it through these turbulent times. And they do it by being there for their daughters even if things go horribly wrong; they do it being supportive and not saying “I told you so”; they do it by understanding their children even when they err.
That is the key to getting through the “growing up” years, especially when you have a daughter – understanding and patience.
By-line:
This article is written by Kat Sanders. She welcomes your comments and questions at her email address: katsanders25@gmail.com.
I found this excerpt from a review that Vanessa Van Patten did on anThe Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) yesterday. “At the end of the book (I am not going to tell you what happens with Paul), there are a series of questions parents can ask kid readers to talk to their kids about the issues in the book. I LOVE this, the fact that I can read it as a 22 year-old, my mom could read it, my little sister can read it and we could all take away a great message and have something to talk about.”
Vanessa Van Patten
The book is selling so fast that I am already thinking about reprinting. The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) was #6 in the top 100 on Amazon today in the category of BEING A TEEN. Thanks to everyone who helped with that rank by buying the book! And thanks for telling me that yes, there is a place for the world of positive psychology and fiction to merge!
So, I thought you might want to share some ideas with me. In the next edition, would you like: 1. more secret diary entries that have never been public before? 2. Pages from the second book in the series where the girl is a year older? and/or 3. More questions and activities you can do after you read the book? Please let me know what you would prefer!
I would think the girl in The Truth would enjoy knowing that she is captivating the hearts of girls and moms in lots of different places. She loves to travel, but so far has only traveled to one place that wasn’t where she lived. That was the time she got to take a ride in a small plane, sitting alone in the tiny cockpit, with the pilot directly in front of her. What a ride that was. Going up, up, up into the sky, seeing all the houses and then neighborhoods below her, and realzing that her very own parents had become tiny specks. It was an amazing adventure for her, filled with a little fear, offset by holding the pilot’s hand. Of course, he was handsome and dashing and that helped quiet her fears. She came down all too soon, back to the somewhat dull reality of visiting her relatives. That episode is on p.53 of the book. (She tells it better than I can).
She would be amazed to hear that people are sitting at what looks something like a typewriter and ordering her book from a place called Amazon. She does know about THE amazon from her geography class, but what is this? Is her book being stored in the jungle somewhere?
What I do know for certain is that she wants to hear from you. So please write to her after you read The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). Tell her what your greatest adventure has been or have fun explaining what a computer is. Be pen pals.
Tonight I was at a book signing in Howell, New Jersey at the Barnes & Noble there. As I was meeting and greeting some many different people, and busily signing books, I found myself explaining how The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is so different from other books for girls, tweens, teens and moms. For one thing, it is based on Positive Psychology principles that encourage living up to one’s potential, celebrating our strengths and holding on to our most authentic selves as we grow.
On the other hand, rather than being a typical self-help book, it is a true fictiional read. It is a girl’s diary and one quickly becomes involved with the girl and her life. There is a mystery to be solved and lots of action. It is a fun read.
Also the book can be used after one reads it for endless discussions as the topics brought up in the book are vital to growing up, and even to being a woman.
Soon on this blog, I’ll be taking you through pages and sharing ideas for discussion with you.
BY LAURIE LAWLESS
Hour Staff Writer
As a young girl, does your life seem complicated? As a parent, does your daughter and her adolescent issues seem confusing and incomprehencible?
Well wonder no more, because Norwalk native, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein has written a new book to help struggling pre-teens and their non-understanding parents. “The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart, and I know everything),” is a fiction diary written by Holstein through the eyes of an 8- to 10-year-old girl.
“I became aware that children and moms need a way to build self esteem. I wanted something that could catch the heart and spirit of girls and maybe their moms too,” explained Holstein.
Holstein had done extensive research before writing this book, which was released in February, and believes people might actually be surprised by the amount of depth in the story. The book touches on self esteem, crushes, school bullies, inside struggles and the development and growth of young teens.
“We need to find ways that people are affected by what they read. A fictional diary can be very moving. In order to make change in our lives we have to be moved, not just convinced,” explained Holstein.
Holstein said she hopes that just as many parents read the book as do young girls. She said she believes it is important for parents to remember how crucial the pre-teen years can be. At the end of the book, a list of questions is given. Holstein hopes that parents and their children can tackle these questions together.
“I hope it will boost a girl or teen. For the mothers, I hope it will help her see how her daughter of child is feeling inside,” she said.
Holstein is a licensed positive phycologist in New Jersey and Massachusetts. She has held her private practices for more than 25 years. Holstein also worked as a school psychologist, a teacher and a case study researcher.
She has written five other books: “The Truth, I’m Ten, I’m Smart and I Know Everything,” “Delight!” “The Enchanted Self,” “Recipes For Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is You!,” and “Feel Good Stories.”
She is the daughter of Dr. Harry A. Becker, a past superintendent of the schools in Norwalk. While he was in office, Becker made various positive changes to the Norwalk School System. According to Holstein, he also founded Norwalk Community College.
Those who have read and enjoyed Holsteins book, may not have to wait long for the next one to appear. This book is just the first in a series.
“I’m almost done with the next book. Now she’ll be 10-12. The next will be 12-14,” she said.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein will have a book signing at 3 p.m. today at Borders in Stamford, at 3 p.m. today at Borders, 1041 High Ridge Road, Stamford. For more information, call 968-9700.
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