Advice from a Friend

Dear Friend,

I’ve read about your struggles and troubles throughout your diary, and I can tell it hasn’t been easy.Having a mother, for instance, that won’t explain to you the answers of your questions, or your confusion. It was vital to me when I was at your stage of maturing and puberty .It’s never easy, but I know I was glad when I had private talks with my mother about things I didn’t understand, and I too was worried when I’d have my first period, when I’d need a bra, and things like that. My mother did not avoid these questions and I’m glad for that. I’m only a bit older than you are and I would be more than happy to supply you with any help or advice I can, but I still think your parents, especially your mother, should do a better job.Also, about Paul… It’s nice to have a childhood crush, and to want children, I had thoughts about such too. But I need to tell you – you may want to marry your crush, but it’s not a good idea to do it when you’re a teenager, regardless of whether or not your grandmother or other relatives had done it in the past. Let’s just say it’s harmful to have children before you are fully mature, because as a teenager your body wouldn’t handle it as well, and it could hurt you. Whether you had this in mind or not – I warn you….

This young lady has more advice and it will be shared in another blog update. Meanwhile, please get your advice to the ‘girl’ as quickly as possible!

Every Child Has Questions About Growing Up

I remember as a child wondering what it would be like to be a grown-up.  I wondered how my body would change and when.  I also wondered what it would be like to be able to make decisions that to me as a child, seemed momentous, such as buying a car or a home.  These any many other questions are all normal.  But unfortunately parents often forget that their children have, what is to them, very serious questions that need answers.  Parents often treat the questions as trivial or even silly.  Some parents may even laugh out loud at a child when she asks something they think is ridiculous.  Other parents may walk away, perhaps embarrassed to handle the subject being questioned, or maybe considering it unimportant and just looking to get on with their day.
As a psychologist I am very concerned about parental practices that are dismissive of kid’s questions.  Most kids are asking sincere questions.  These questions reflect their uncertainties about things that seem important to them. The correct answers not only quiet their anxieties and fears but give them the tools they need to move ahead in development.  So here are some tips for you:
1.  Assume any question from you child is not a joke and treat it with dignity.  Answer as best you can and make sure to leave the door open that you can discuss that issue again.
2.  If you can’t answer it at that moment tell her when you can get back to her with an answer and discussion.
3.  If you are not the right person to answer the question, help her find the right person.
4.  Give her examples from your own past as to how you successfully handled issues that come up as we grow and change.
5.  Check back with her later or in the foreseeable future to see if she has more questions on a particular subject.  That way you give her a secure feeling that she can ask more if she needs to.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on Holistic Children Radio

Come and check out Holistic Children Radio where I talk about THE ENCHANTED SELF: Truth for Mothers and Daughters. I share a lot about positive psychology and of course about The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). Click Here

Check out the trailer for Secrets!

Click Here

Listen to Dr. Barbara on the Radio Talking about Girls and Women

For those of you who like to listen to a great radio show while you
work at the computer, here is one!  I was interviewed by Deb Bailey of www.powerwomenmagazine.com .  We discuss The Enchanted Self and what that means for you as a woman or a mom of a daughter.  We also discuss my  book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  Here’s a little bit about www.powerwomenmagazine.com :
“Power Women Magazine is an online publication about women by women for women and issues important to women worldwide. We network to stand in one voice for not only ourselves but for women who can not use their voice. We tackle all issues with the government, state and local communities as well as worldwide groups through our own means or via non profit organizations whom we have partnered with to make that stance. Our Issues range from equal rights for all women to issues of homelessness among women, and everything in between.
Our Goals are to empower women no matter where they are or who they are. We must network and stand together in order to to make a change.”


CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW

Please let me know how you enjoyed it!!

Check out Barbara’s Upcoming Appearance

Holistic Children’s Radio presents Barbara on May 15th 9 AM PT

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on Holistic Children Radio 5/15/10

More Info on Dr. Barbara’s upcoming radio interview.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein at her Chinese Book Celebration Party

CHINESE VERSION of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is now for sale in China and Dr. Holstein has received six copies. The Chinese title is The Truth, with the sub-title being: My Secret Diary. I’m a smart girl. And I know everything!

Chinese Cover Can you imagine my excitement when I came to my office last week and saw a package for me from China? I was thrilled just looking at the exotic stamps on the package. But I was much more thrilled when I opened the box and there were six copies of my book The Truth in the Chinese version. First of all, the book is beautiful from start to finish. The cover is white with a shading of pink into rose that I love. The words The Truth appear on the cover, as well as my name B.B. Holstein and of course the name of the publisher, XI’ An Jiaotong University Press. There is a picture of a notebook on the cover and the quotes from the Little Prince that I love, “All grownups were children first. (But few of them remember it.)” And then the second quote: “Grownups never understand anything by themselves, and it is exhausting for children to provide explanations over and over again.”

On the inside flap is my picture and a short bio and also a picture of Professor Chen who translated the book.

There is an introduction that I wrote specifically for China about how we live here. Also there are about 35 diary entries that are unique to this edition of the book. Most of them are about the ‘girl’s’ school life. Some are about other issues that come up in her life, such as when a cousin takes drugs and has to go away to a rehab. Over time I will share many of those entries.

What makes this edition so incredibly charming is the lay-out. Almost every page has a little picture that corresponds to what the girl is talking about on that page in her diary. If the picture doesn’t correspond than it is just some adorable, feminine picture that fits the whole atmosphere of the book. I am so impressed with the effort that went into the lay-out.

Can you feel my excitement? I am really enthralled and somewhat entranced by this book. Some how this edition takes me beyond myself. It speaks to me from a foreign land, and yet I wrote it! It acts as an ambassador of good will to another land and yet I created it! It has taken shape beyond what I was able to give it. It is like a child that one has nurtured and yet now speaks very much in its own voice with its own mission.

I am very happy to follow The Truth wherever it needs to be! And of course, I can’t wait for feedback from China. I hope some children and parents will write to me.

The Truth Book and Free Gifts

As you know from reading my blog, The Truth (I’m a Girl, I’m Smart and I Know Everything!), is a journey with a 10 year old girl. As her diary, this book is meant for any child, parent, aunt or uncle, grandparent or friend whose life includes a young girl. Open the door to her worries, joys & fears. I am so proud of this book as it is one of my contributions to the field of positive psychology and also my contribution to helping kids grow up strong and vital! Buy it and get $8000 in bonuses – http://tinyurl.com/m8ooto