Author Archives: Barbara Holstein

Here are some of the messages that a mother, aunt, grandmother, teacher can take and use from Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…Maybe.

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1) This girl’s first crush was Paul. Crushes feel very real at any age and you shouldn’t be made to feel silly or like it is trivial that you have a crush.

2) The girl discovered early on that she didn’t like it when her parents fight. She’s decided when she grows up she won’t fight over silly things with her husband.

3) Things like a special locket from a favorite aunt can mean a lot to a kid. Grown-ups should try to recognize harder how important they really are in a kid’s life and do nice things with and for them.

4) Moving is really hard. But the grown-ups in a kid’s life can help so much by making things seem as normal as possible, like when the girl’s father took them all out to a local movie a few days after they moved and they had lots of fun.

5) Growing up is hard. Parents shouldn’t walk away when kids try to talk. It is hard enough to get up the courage to ask a question or share feelings. It feels awful when the grown-up is ‘too busy’ or looks preoccupied.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein on Holistic Children Radio

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Come and check out Holistic Children Radio where I talk about THE ENCHANTED SELF: Truth for Mothers and Daughters. I share a lot about positive psychology and of course about The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). Click Here

The Truth and Secrets

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I am adamant about helping girls grow up strong and sure of themselves. The Truth Series and now the second book in the series: SECRETS: You tell me yours and I”ll tell you mine… maybe, is my way of addressing some of the dysfunctional messages we all absorb in one way or another growing up. Girls can not always free themselves of the dysfunction that may create damaging messages in their lives. But they can be taught to recognize how special they are and given ways to hold on to the best of themselves. That is what I am busy doing, via fiction, in The Truth (I”m a girl, I”m smart and I know everything) and now SECRETS.

The Second Book in The Truth Series, by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein has arrived!

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Be the first to get your copy of the second book in The Truth Series, called Secrets I’ll tell you Mine if you Tell me Yours…maybe, by going to Amazon Today

Secrets Book Cover

Dr. Holstein, positive psychologist reveals an excerpt from her new book SECRETS

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I thought you might like to read an excerpt from the second book in The Truth Series which is due out later this week on Amazon. As soon as I have a link to purchase the book for you I will send out an announcement. In this book, SECRETS: You tell me yours, and I’ll tell you mine…Maybe! the girl is now 13. The family has moved and a whole series of events, dilemmas and occasions to experience the ups and downs of growing up are about to emerge. Here is how the book starts:

June 27

I can’t believe it. Today we moved and I feel like I’m in a dream. I just keep walking around our new house and wondering when we will go home. It feels so different and strange. The floors are all bare wood. Everything is on one floor. It’s called a ranch house, I don’t know why. My mother said our rugs would look terrible here so she let the people who bought our house keep them. I think she was right. They’re a dark maroon and the walls are a light cream in this house. I don’t think that would look good.

I went to the bathroom three times since we got here and every time I used a different bathroom. I can’t believe it. Three different toilets in the same house! Only my friend Susan, my rich friend, has more than two bathrooms. And now we do. I keep measuring the living room. Would you believe it’s 27 feet by 15 feet? I used my own feet and added a few inches each time I took a step.

When I look out of the windows I expect to see the shrubs and the Hudson house to my left and I don’t. Instead I see a big open field that will probably have houses on it by next year. That’s what my father said. And when I look out to the right I expect to see our clothesline and the Dixon’s driveway. Instead I see rose bushes and a wooden bench, under a tree, that the last owners said we could have.

We had to eat supper off paper plates and use wooden throw-away forks, knives and spoons because our boxes are still packed. My aunt made us a big picnic hamper of food and that’s what we ate for supper.

My brother already started to play with a kid next door who’s about a year older than he is. He’s so lucky. I have no one yet and that’s the truth!

Can you feel for the girl as she is suddenly in new surroundings?

Did you ever move growing up?

Do you remember how you felt?

What do you think she wants most to happen and soon? Hint: Look at the last paragraph.

What are some of the things you think might happen to her this year?

Please write to me on www.thetruthforgirls.com or at drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Listen to Dr. Barbara on the Radio Talking about Girls and Women

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For those of you who like to listen to a great radio show while you
work at the computer, here is one!  I was interviewed by Deb Bailey of www.powerwomenmagazine.com .  We discuss The Enchanted Self and what that means for you as a woman or a mom of a daughter.  We also discuss my  book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  Here’s a little bit about www.powerwomenmagazine.com :
“Power Women Magazine is an online publication about women by women for women and issues important to women worldwide. We network to stand in one voice for not only ourselves but for women who can not use their voice. We tackle all issues with the government, state and local communities as well as worldwide groups through our own means or via non profit organizations whom we have partnered with to make that stance. Our Issues range from equal rights for all women to issues of homelessness among women, and everything in between.
Our Goals are to empower women no matter where they are or who they are. We must network and stand together in order to to make a change.”

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW

Please let me know how you enjoyed it!!

Helping Our Children Feel Good About Themselves

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We have so much influence over the next generation! Lots of times we forget how much influence, as our children or grandchildren can appear to ignore us, forget us or even worse–run from us in one way or another. Sometimes, we must just accept the fact that lots of times positive actions happen without positive recognition! Therefore, it behooves us as the ‘grownups’ in our personal worlds to keep looking for ways to help the young ones experience good times, feel nurtured and loved and to walk away from situations just a little more one the road to developing as a whole person with a good sense of self. I can assure you that insistence on creating a meaningful world for our children does eventually pay off!

I’d like to share with you how Lorna did just that with her daughter Sabrina. Here is some of what she wrote to me:

‘Yesterday afternoon Sabrina, my six year old daughter, was helping me make Chinese sesame cookies for our church’s girls’ club. Sabrina attends weekly club meetings and is always happy to help me out with the snacks for club. These cookies needed to be rolled into little balls and then rolled into sesame seeds. The ‘seeding’ of the cookies was Sabrina’s job. We were halfway through the dough. She was rolling away. Suddenly she said to me without looking up, “This is great! I get to spend quality time with Daddy and now more time with you!”

She was referring to her Sunday evenings alone with her daddy. Sunday evenings at 5:30 pm, I leave and take my 9 year-old son to the boys club at church where I also help with snacks. During the time we are gone, Sabrina and her daddy have a tea party almost every Sunday evening. They turn the lights off, light the candles that I have usually in the center of the table, then boil water, and set the table. There is usually some kind of ‘tea cookie’ (like shortbread) in the pantry. They take those and then serve each other tea and cookies. Sometimes they act silly. e.g. Acting very aloof with flowery language or just simply talking about this and that.

Last Sunday evening I did not have to stay at club until it was over. I got home just in time for the tea party. Sabrina set me a spot at the table. She offered me sugar and cookies. We chatted. She acted a little silly. It was really cute and I was glad I got to peek in on what she and my husband usually do. After I had a couple sips, I slipped away to my office to check email so they could have their usual special time alone.’

Lorna, Sabrina’s mom, is describing such a wonderful activity that lends itself both to building self-esteem and to beautiful positive memories in the future. I can picture Sabrina sharing her tea parties with her daddy years later with her own children!

Exercise: Play Date with a Child in Your Life

Can you think of something special that you could offer a child in your life? You don’t have to be a parent or grandparent. You may know a child down the street, or a cousin or even a friend’s child. A special outing or treat can go a long way to bringing delight to a child.

I remember when my aunt Rose arrived at my cousin’s home with a surprise for me! It was a box in the shape of a treasure chest and it contained some perfume and soaps all designed for a little girl. I was thrilled and felt very special. I can still remember lovingly keeping my treasure chest and eventually filling it with other treasures after I had used all the soaps, lotions and bubble bath. Yes, this treasure chest did make me feel special, very feminine and created a great memory trace.

I know you will have fun with a play date. Keep us posted on what you do.